The Hard Truth About Change

The Hard Truth About Change

I’m sure at some point, whether it was in a friendship, relationship, marriage etc. Either you have tried to change someone or someone has to tried to change you. Whether it was change for the better or for the worse. Now usually I just give my opinion but this is fact. The truth is….you cannot change someone. No matter how hard you try. No matter how much effort you put in. No matter how long it takes. It is just not possible. People sometimes spend their entire lives trying to change someone, and please do not confuse manipulation with change cause they are two different things that I will probably talk about later. Why later? Cause hell I need things to talk about. But this is the hard truth…….no one changes unless they actually want to change.

 Trying To Changing Someone

Everyone at some point has probably tried to change a family member, a friend or a boyfriend/girlfriend. Why do people try to change others? Sometimes you see great potential in someone but there is something that’s holding them back. Maybe its a guy who’s very intelligent but would rather spend his time drinking and using drugs. Maybe its a girl you are crazy about and you desperately want her to feel the same way. It could be a lazy friend who doesn’t do much for themselves. Sometimes they want someone to join in with their destructive behaviors. Maybe you’re peer pressuring a friend to call off work to go to the club to get drunk. I’ve seen good woman who have never did drugs turn into pot heads or addicts just by being with a boyfriend who does it. It happens. I’ve also seen guys who happen to be womanizers settle down and start families. It’s rare but it happens. The one thing that is constant though is that, that person had to want to change whether they we influenced or not they had to want it.

Someone Trying To Change You

Has someone ever tried to change you? Raise your hands……..everyone’s hands should be raised. Has someone ever tried to change you in a relationship? It might be less hands raised but most hands should be up. Lastly has someone you loved ever tried to change you? It may be slightly less hands but this is what i want to focus on. I was that guy full of potential but unfortunately I was lazy and also thought I had everything in control. A very bad combination indeed. My girlfriend at the time knew this. I always told her the goals and dreams I wanted to achieve but hardly went through with my plans. She tried to push me but I wouldn’t listen.

Even though I loved her, her words could not change me. I may have change for a little while but I would eventually go back to laying around playing video games, wasting time on social media, and such. Don’t get me wrong I had a job and a roof over my head but in her eyes there was so much more I could achieve. However over time things got rough things started to snowball. I lost my job, I lost my place and eventually me and her broke up. It took me a bit of time to pick myself back up but eventually I did. If i listened to her maybe things would have been different but the reality of it was that I would have never listened to her because I didn’t want to change. It wasn’t until that Xavier wanted to change that I started doing things differently. Started ridding myself of my bad habits. Stopped making excuses. Would if we stayed together? Its possible to this day that she would still be trying to change me. Now that is personal example but my point is I feel as though some people are in toxic relationships with cheaters, liars and people that aren’t doing right by them and trying to change them wasting years of their lives no realizing that, that person will never change until they want it for themselves.

Changing

The Hard Truth About Change#2

Changing doesn’t happen overnight though. A quick change isn’t a real change. It takes time. A label will not change anyone. Marriage will not instantly change anyone. Nor will sex or children. It’s a gamble. Do you wait to see if this change is the real thing and risk wasting your time or getting hurt? Or do you leave accepting that the person will never want to change for themselves? I don’t have the answer to that but it is a tough decision. Love Is Confusing though.( Yes I had to squeeze that in there.) Do I think trying to change someone is bad? It depends on the context but its human nature especially if we want the best for someone but sometimes you have to ask yourself. Do they want the best for themselves?

If you like this post, Like, subscribe and share, if you have different opinions or opinions in general there’s a comment section for that. I’d love to hear it. Take care and remember love is confusing but we can figure this out together.

22 thoughts on “The Hard Truth About Change

  1. Well-written post. You have a nice blog and may I suggest you set up your widgets for a “follow me” button and “like” button. Keep writing and thank you for following BrewNSpew.

    1. Thank you, I appreciate the support and also the advice I still have alot to learn I basically just started.

  2. Rather than change, I like to think compromise instead. Yes we’ve all been through both being the changer or the one who they want to change. But unless you want it yourself it never happens properly. Compromise is a better option! Finding a middle ground!

    1. Exactly! You have to want it for yourself and I agree finding a middle ground is something that two adults should be able to do.

  3. But this is the hard truth…….no one changes unless they actually want to change. So so true! In the last two years I’ve had to break off a relationship that was extremely difficult, a family member but it needed to happen & like you’ve clearly said No one can change unwillingly!

    1. It’s a really tough decision because all you want is the best for them at the end of the day but they have to want it for themselves. I have been on both sides unfortunately.

    1. Yes and if the other person isn’t will to compromise you can either stay and hope they can change or you can walk away, its tough.

  4. My husband and I work well because we complement each other and we’ve learnt from previous relationships where one of us has been a changer or a changee. My first partner wanted me to be a good little housewife, holidaying in a caravan in the UK and going to social clubs where he’d play snooker at the weekends and I’d sit in the corner with a sherry and play bingo. Just like his parents. So I thought that’s what I should be too. It was only when he went off with my friend (and then my next door neighbour years later!) that I realised just how much my personality had been suppressed. I (mostly) like the me I am now, and no-one will ever change that again x

      1. Its fine thats the purpose of this blog, im extremely happy that everything worked out for the best, if you didn’t make that decision you might have still been trying to find yourself.

  5. There seems to be this belief that we must find someone that “Completes us”, but I disagree, to me finding someone that enhances you is better. If someone is encouraging a good change, then they are helping you become that better person yourself πŸ™‚ Like Ritu said, and Lisa echoed too, compromise is often the best way. Great post!

    1. Yes. Just simply sitting down and finding a middle ground can save you from so many problems. Great comment Shaunkellett!

  6. My now husband said he knew he loved me when I didn’t want to change a thing. We have been married 5years and together 8. Your post is correct love what you see or leave him be.

    1. Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it and congratulations on 5 years of marriage! You have a lifetime to go πŸ˜‰

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