Three Steps To Loving Yourself

Three Steps To Loving Yourself

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   “Love is Joy. Love is Pain. Love is Selfish. Love is Sacrifice. Love is confusing”….. If you have been paying attention those words are written at the top of this page and yes that is my hand up there. That phrase and the contradictions of the sentences explains the theme of this blog. Seriously love doesn’t always make sense. Sometimes you care deeply for someone and honestly don’t even know why. You just do. However do you want to know what makes sense? It’s something called loving yourself. You shouldn’t have to question why you love yourself. Hell I shouldn’t even have to sell you on loving yourself it should just be natural. You should just wake up out of the bed, look in the mirror, give yourself a wink, smile and ask yourself. “What can I do today to improve my life and make myself happy.”…….If only it was that easy right?

   I think I may have done things backwards. This probably should have been my first post. I mean how can you love anyone else if you don’t love yourself. I often hear that love is wanting more for someone than you want for yourself. Which is true….to an extent. But I believe you have to love yourself more than anything. People sometimes confuse that to being selfish but there is a difference between loving yourself and being narcissistic. Just like there is a difference between confidence and cockiness. There is nothing wrong with wanting the absolute best for one’s self. There is nothing wrong with knowing one’s self worth. I’ve seen people in relationships love so hard that over a course of a long relationship they forget how to love themselves and when the relationship is over they look lost. I know that feeling personally to be honest. Now without further ado here’s three steps to loving yourself.

Figure out who you are

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   You can’t love someone you don’t know right? And no celebrities don’t count! Point is though a lot of people don’t know who they really are and that is why they struggle with being able to love themselves. Over the course of time people may lose or change their identities and sometimes aren’t even aware of it. Even myself after three years of messing with the same person after we broke up. I honestly didn’t know who I was. I had put so much time and effort into loving her that I wasn’t too worried about myself. I did things for her that I wouldn’t even do for myself and don’t get me wrong this isn’t me making her the bad guy. She was cool, I did those things because I wanted to do them. I wanted her to make her happy but however I wasn’t thinking about making myself happy. I thought making her happy would make me happy and maybe it did. But after we broke up and I could no longer make her happy. Where was I getting my source of happiness from? I didn’t know who Xavier was anymore. I didn’t know what made him happy. I didn’t know what he wanted. I was lost but once I started to get to know myself and start answering those questions I was able to start slowly loving myself again. Doing things to make me happy and doing things to improve my life.

   There’s also a lot of people who think they know who they are but they really don’t. Sometimes you wonder why there are people who do harm to themselves. With drugs or always in self harming situations they can probably get out of themselves. Over time they lost sight of themselves and it happened so gradually that they weren’t even aware of it. It’s like growing up with someone and seeing them everyday do you notice them change maybe not. But if you seen them when they were young and see them years later you notice a huge physical and mental difference. Also I feel as though in my generation it’s so cool to be a follower. To be someone else. Everybody wants to be the guy next to them and that guy wants to be you. People pop pills because the guy next to him is doing it and with Facebook and other social media its actually pushed on us to follow the next person, share this and share that. If you don’t have your own identity how can you love yourself? The first step to loving yourself is to know who “yourself” actually is.

Accept Yourself

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   Sometimes people can know exactly who they are and guess what? They still don’t know how to love themselves for that exact reason. They can’t accept themselves. Maybe a women isn’t looking how society wants her to look. She not a size zero and wasn’t blessed with “assets” and looks at magazines all day designed to kill her self esteem. Maybe that guy isn’t 6’5 ripped to shreds with a perfect smile. Watching the football game wishing he could switch places. You have to be comfortable in your own skin and of course there’s plastic surgery, steroids and other enhancements but that’s a conversation for a different day. You have to embrace your “flaws” or imperfections. If you don’t like what you see in the mirror then you will assume no else does.

   The problem is a lot of people instead of accepting themselves they look for others to accept them. They look for validation in others. Someone to tell them how beautiful they are. How cool they are. How funny they are. Someone to tell them “I love you.” Because deep down they don’t believe it. Instead of loving themselves they seek someone else to do it for them. To love the things about them that they are insecure about. That’s why people with low self esteem usually have problems loving themselves. They end up in relationships where they are very dependent on the other persons affection. And if they are with the wrong person that person can easily take advantage. Even people who seem like they have it all together can be this way. The super model you see or Miss America. The 6’5 football player I referenced in the last paragraph. Sometimes the most beautiful people have the hardest time with accepting themselves. It’s not always an easy thing to do. Especially if the things you’re insecure about you can’t change. It takes time but hey how can expect anyone to love you unconditionally if you don’t. Its’s something to think about.

Make yourself happy and improve your life.

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   After you figure out who you are and accept it. Now its the easy part. You go out there and make yourself happy. You improve yourself. Now obviously i’m not going tell you EXACTLY how to do that. Everyone’s visions of happiness and their goals are different. Sorry I can’t give you all the answers. Now I’m not saying go out there and do something crazy. Like spending your life savings on a Ferrari or blowing your check on a Gucci bag because now you figured out somehow that those things make you happy. No, think of it as “dating yourself.” Go places you like, do things you like, hang around people you like, read things you like. *Like this blog. ;)* If you don’t know what you like then guess what? This is the perfect chance for you to find out! Experiment, try different things. Experience different things. You will be surprised how much learn about yourself and in my experience this is the funnest part when it comes to learning to love ones self.

   If you love yourself you also want to improve yourself too right? It can’t be all fun and games. You always want to be a better person then you was the day before. Just because you embrace your “flaws” doesn’t mean you can’t improve on them. You can make a list of daily, short term and long term goals and work on them. You might want to be more financially secure, you may actually want that body of girl in that magazine. In my case you might want your blog to blow up. My point is though you won’t want these things because someone else has it. Or for validation from someone else. You are going to want to improve your life because YOU yourself wants to and when you are doing things for you… usually get done.

   It’s a process though it doesn’t happen over night. It’s not easy. You aren’t going wake up and have all the answers. It takes time to find yourself. Now sticking to the theme of relationships I honestly think it’s good when you start this process in between relationships. That way when you enter your next one that you are clear on exactly who you want and what you want out of the relationship. If you truly love yourself loving someone else becomes so much easier. However you also expect a little more from your partner because you know your worth. Once you know your worth no one can ever low ball you or undersell you unless you let them. Also don’t forget everyday is a chance to improve yourself. These are my thoughts tonight hopefully it resonates with people and maybe help influence them to change. That first step is always the hardest step to make. Like, Share and Subscribe and remember “Love is confusing but we’ll figure this out together.”




54 thoughts on “Three Steps To Loving Yourself

  1. Learning to love yourself should honestly be #1 on everyone’s to-do list. I think it’s the foundation to everything that is wonderful happening in your life. Being happy, being brave to go after your dreams… Great post!

  2. Great post! I think as adolescent we struggle with knowing who we are because we are trying to like everyone else. Then in in twenties we realize who we are and it takes some of us until we are thirty to be able to accept that.

  3. Such a great post!! It took me most of my life but I finally figured out the past few years how to love myself and it’s changed my life so much for the better πŸ™‚

  4. It’s true that you can’t give what you don’t have. Before you can even fully give love to someone else we need to start with ourselves and that’s what you touched based with in this article:) Keep inspiring!

    1. Thank you, and I intend to. I really appreciate your comment. Even if only inspire one person. It’s totally worth it.

  5. It’s the same idea that when the plane is going down, you should put your own mask on first before helping others. The foundation for love of others is to love yourself (I don’t want to say self-love though, since it’s a very easy virtue to corrupt).

  6. Self-compassion is key, in my opinion. We need to start with self before we move on to loving others for sure.

    1. Great comment, Thank you for your support. I hope you enjoy more of my content, thank you πŸ™‚

  7. Awesome post! We all need to learn to love ourselves a little bit more, especially since there seems to be less love going on in the outside world right now… Thanks for sharing:)

  8. Thanks of having those tips here. Sometimes, we forget who we are because of some circumstances we go through. But we should not leave ourselves under that darkness. Continue to improve and nurture ourselves.

    1. Thank you! Your site isn’t letting me follow you. I don’t know if its my stupid phone or what

  9. I know when I’m focusing on my health and spirituality thats when I love myself the most. When I do stuff that brings happiness to me. Also, when I share my knowledge to someone else. A lot of great points you made in this post.

  10. I honestly think not loving who you are is one of the reasons why relationships fail. Becasue when you place all your eggs in someone else’s basket, but none in you’re own, you often hold on too tight to them and they inevitablly let you down. But if you take the steps to loving and appreciating yourself, you can never really be broken by someone else.

  11. Such a lovely post. I feel we need more places like this on the web. I think that to love another person you have to show compassion for yourself, you have take the time to do the things that make you whole. To give love, you have to have a reservoir of love for yourself, take time to read a book, eat the ice cream, go for a walk, whatever you need to do to keep the balance of being who you are. Allow yourself to be selfish, so you can love yourself enough to love others.

  12. I believe love is exponential. When I love myself without judgment (and with a sense of humor) I have a greater capacity to love others. I learned that loving myself isn’t so much an act of finding that love and grabbing it, but rather a process of uncovering–chipping away at all the unconscious layers of yuck I’d been buried under. For me, that image made it easier. I didn’t have to “find” myself, I just had to realize I’d been there all the time.
    I love the theme of your blog and the image of your hand and the words on the page are so telling. Thanks for the message of knowing, accepting and endeavoring to pursue happiness in the name of love.

    1. I don’t even know what to say…I’m just very flattered. Comments like these are the reason I do this. Thank you so much. I’m glad you enjoyed it!!

  13. Great article! After my second pregnancy I became self conscious and my self esteem was so low. Your article is just perfect for me and relates to myself in so many ways!

  14. I LOVE this!! Not much more to be said really… Loving and truly knowing yourself is probably the hardest thing in life – not because you are a bad person, but because it simply takes a lot of time to figure out. I’ve been telling myself I love myself for years but it was only last year when I truly understood what it means… and the first step towards it is to truly knowing one self. I think I finally do. And you are so right about how easy it is to make yourself happy once you know all this! I mean… not easy easy.. but it’s as if some weight has been lifted or if somebody infused a new courage into your system! πŸ™‚ You suddenly feel like you can go for it… even if you don’t really know HOW exactly.. you just know you’ll be fine. Thanks for the reminder!! :

  15. Yes, totally! My theme for this year is “ease.” I’m taking better care of myself and not working so hard. It can be really hard to love myself when I’m constantly run ragged. Working on creating space for me. πŸ™‚

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