Rushing Into A Relationship

   In this generation everything is so fast paced. Everything is expected to be instant. Our lives nowadays are comparable to a fast food drive through. We want it quick, fast and hot. If things take too long we lose interest and hop on to the next thing and rinse and repeat. Hell 75% of the readers wont even read this sentence because they already scanned to the next paragraph or probably just hit the like button and continued with their day. But I digress. 

   When it comes to relationships and also marriage I feel people rush to quickly into it for all the wrong reasons. Relationships now are fast paced as well with so many dating sites out there. Also with social media in general it’s so easy to communicate with each other no matter where we are at. There are some people that rush into relationships and never even physically met the other person becoming susceptible to cat fishing and basically getting played. It seems hopping in and out of relationships is pretty normal now.  

   However things are not like a Disney movie where the prince meets the princess. They lock eyes, all of a sudden they are best friends,love every little thing about each other, get married and live happily ever after. I mean is it possible? It totally is but so is winning the Power Ball and how many of you have won that? Do jobs just pick out random people on the street and offer them jobs. No. They bring you in and ask you questions to see if you are a fit for them. Sometimes there is the online application, the phone interview and lastly the in person interview, sometimes more than one. 

   Now what does that sound like? It sounds like dating. If they hire an employee too quick it could mean a waste of time and money if that person doesn’t pan out. I think people should take dating the same way. Now I know I sound harsh and negative especially after my last very positive post but hey I’m just being realistic and with that I present my opinion on rushing into relationships.

Start Out With Friendship

   I honestly think when you are friends first the relationship lasts longer. The person you date should be your best-friend. You wouldn’t want to date a stranger would you? I feel many people do just that. They have a boyfriend and girlfriend and can’t even tell you their favorite color. Their favorite song. Their favorite food. You know basic stuff. Back then you would go on dates, hang out and get to know each other. Feel each other out to see if you two were compatible and then make it official. Now it’s you text a little bit. Face time each other take some pictures for Snap chat and now you are a couple. 

   Before I date someone I’d like to know what their goals are in life.  I like to ask questions even simple ones. Just because I want to know the person that I’m going to be possibly investing my time in and I don’t know about you but time especially my time is very valuable. I also invite them to ask me questions because hey she might be right for me but I might not be right for her and it’s something I’d want her to know before we even enter a relationship. 

   I want to hang out with her see how we mesh together because talking on the phone and texting can only tell you but so much about a person. Someone can say all the right things on the phone and via text but be an asshole or a totally different person when you are around them. You really want to know who are dating before you start showing them off to everyone and changing your relationship status.

Don’t Rush a Relationship For Sex

   “We’re not having sex until we are together.” How many woman have said those words or at the very least a variation of that? Now when guys hear that there are some guys who will respect that. However when you are messing with a man and that’s all they want in the first place. They will of course try to “speed” things up. Try to make things official sooner so that they can get what they are after. Some men will then find a way to break up with you after they get it or just straight up split and the others will stay. 

   The relationship will turn into a sex driven relationship because that was his main motivation for getting with you in the first place. He’ll know your favorite sex position before he even knows your birthday or hobbies. Most of his questions about you will be sex oriented. Point is the relationship will be rushed because the man is thinking about his needs rather than the relationship and relationships like that rarely turns out well.

   Now with woman its a little different for one I haven’t met a guy who would hold off on sex until he and she made it official but if he is out there “He is the real MVP!” Jokes aside I think there way more incentive for a man to speed up the dating phase just to have sex than a female. However woman may do it as well especially younger couples. 

   If a woman is having sex with a guy and they aren’t together it makes her look bad. I’ve touched on this before in my Men and Women Double Standard post. So a woman might want to make things official with a man she is talking to and also sexually attracted to so she won’t be looked at in that light. Because things got rushed for that reason the relationship can also turn into a sex oriented relationship and those usually don’t last too long.

 

You Rush Because Everyone Is In A Relationship.

   You see all your friends they all seem perfectly happy with their significant others. You’re often the third wheel on outings. Seeing your friend make out with their partners in front of you. You open up Facebook and see all the nice relationship quotes and memes on your timeline. You see someones status. “Omg just had so much fun with bae” or see a picture of someone kissing or cuddling. You sit down and turn on Netflix with no one to chill with. You watch some romantic movie. Or flip to some romantic show on TV and say to yourself “Damn must be nice.”

   I hope I didn’t hit anyone too hard but a lot of people rush into relationships because of pressure. They see everybody around them in seemingly perfect relationships and feel left out. They may feel a void in their lives and feel the need of a boyfriend or girlfriend to fill it. You all know that person that’s always have to be with someone. They can’t ever be single for long, that hopeless romantic. Or they see a couple and want what they have so they rush into things with someone. 

   People may question why are you still single? Or tell you that you shouldn’t be single. Pressuring you into being in a relationship when it might not be time for you yet. You may still need time to find yourself. You may still be recovering from a past break which leads me into my last point.

Rushing Into A Relationship To Get Over The Last Relationship.

   This a huge one right here. I have seen a lot of people just hop into relationships right after their last relationship fail. It’s something I have been guilty of in the past. Especially after a long relationship you get used to being with someone. So after you break up you still yearn for that companionship. Instead of taking the time to heal you look for someone else to cover that wound or fill that void. 

   You basically look for that rebound person but your not thinking about them. You’re not dating them because of them you are dating because of you. So you can feel better about yourself. Or possibly so you can stick it to your ex. Make them see that you appear happy without them. Faking a smile in your pictures with your new girlfriend/boyfriend knowing you haven’t got over them. 

   Its not very fair to the person you are with either. They have to deal with that baggage. They have to deal with a damaged you. Rarely can a person that just got out of a long term relationship give some one else 100% of themselves. I believe if a relationship is to work you can’t give less than that. You should probably go solo for awhile give yourself time to figure out exactly what you want. Give yourself time to heal. If someone tries to pressure you into rushing things don’t be afraid to tell them that you need time to yourself. 

   Now I’m not saying that you have to take a year to decide on being with someone, or even a month. I’m just saying before you start into a serious relationship you should get to know the person that you will be investing your time in. You shouldn’t go in it for all the reasons. You risk hurting the person you are with and more importantly risk hurting yourself. A lot of the time patience is a very good thing. Taking a little time to wait can save you from a long road of head and heartache. I hope everyone enjoyed reading. I am really loving the support I been getting. You are all awesome! Like, Share and Subscribe. Remember, “Love is confusing but we’ll figure it out together.”

 

20 thoughts on “Rushing Into A Relationship

  1. I agree with your article. I think people are seeking instant gratification rather than delayed. I like the theme of your blog here; it is interesting!

  2. My husband and I dated for over 6 years before we were married, however I have many friends and family who were engaged after only months of dating (including my best friend and my parents!). Relationships are so complex and diverse!

  3. Thank you for being honest about men… I have to admit, o didn’t want to read this at first. Because too many times, I have rushed in, like a fool and I was unsure I could handle the criticism, knowing that I might still be a fool rushing in- who just happens to be in a relationship… I’m glad I came, though and that I stayed til the end. I wasn’t offended, though many of the reasons suggest, knocked all over my front door. So, maybe I’ve grown after all. Wow. Thanks for helping me have some self reflection.

  4. HHAHA I laughed so much at the sentence about people probably skipping to the next paragraph cos they want to rush!

    You make some really good points, more people need to read this.

  5. This speaks great levels of truths!!! People are always in such a rush! Slow down and enjoy life, love will come when it’s ready! Thanks so much for sharing! I loved it!

  6. I have totally rushed into many relationships in my life. They never end up well. I should have read something like this before I started thinking about going into relationships.

  7. Wish I had believed these sometime back. Rushed into a relationship, got married without being friends first and had to divorce after two years of marriage because the individual differences was too much to think of working it out. You live and learn. Lovely post.

    1. I live and learn everyday and if I can relate to even one person its all worth it. Thank you for your support.

  8. I haven’t really thought about it since I am not into rushing myself for relationships. I met my husband at work and after 5 years of friendship we fell in love. So don’t rush it!

  9. You absolutely speak wright out of my heart! I met someone a few months ago and he was totaly into it and was trying to “push me into a relationship” and I told him exactly those things you point out. I just said to him “We are not sixteen anymore, it’s not meeting today and beeing totaly in love tomorrow. We have to get to know eacht other, and if we can spent quality time and having deep conversations without beeing a couple and we like what we hear and see, we can give it a shot” … He didn’t understand that at all and unfriended me on social media the same day I said it … Weird

  10. Interesting post. I definitely agree that people are quick to rush into things. And it made me think about my husband and I. We unofficially dated for a month before we decided that we would put a label on our relationship. We learned so much about each other in that first month. Hell, we’ve been together for 5 years and married for 2.5 years and I STILL learn new things about him everyday.

  11. I really feel this post! I also personaly deciede not to approach anyone for any relationship apart from friendship because i also believe it’s on good friendship that strong relationships stand!

  12. LOL, I just love your transparency as you write! You tell it like it is and don’t hold anything back. This was a good, interesting post. My favorite part was people rushing into a relationship b/c someone else is in it. I don’t relate to it but I have plenty of friends wishing they were the other person on FB with a boyfriend. Keep being real… I’m sure your audience appreciates it.

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