Build Your Self-Confidence Before Dating Again
The path of self-growth for some can start off very rocky than others. I know for me, my journey began as I went through a separation from my ex-husband. While on that path of filing divorce papers and beginning my self-discovery journey I reunited with an old love.
Three years, 1 divorce, a 2-year on and off again relationship and 1 child later I only have one regret. Not taking the time out between relationships for self-reflection and self-love.
When you take the time to reflect on why the relationship failed you will discover those lessons and bits of wisdom you can take with you into the future.
“No relationship is ever a waste of time. If it didn’t bring you what you want, it taught you what you don’t want.”
Out with the old
Endings aren’t always easy. Your daily plans now only consist of one person instead of two and the nights are now lonely. This is a good time to start to devote your focus to acceptance. Accepting that the ending was necessary and now it’s time to embark on a new journey.
Although we don’t know what our next steps are, that is okay. It is because of the lack of acceptance and the loneliness is what drives us to text or call our ex to see if they miss us just as much as we miss them. It’s okay, to miss your ex, but it’s okay to accept that you two weren’t meant for the long run. And if you are meant for the long run – you both will equally make the effort to repair the relationship.
“People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.”
Forgiveness and letting go
“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.” — Paul Boese
Two of the top ten things I wish I could’ve learned at a young age would be how to forgive and how to let go. For some, it is an easy process and for others, it isn’t as easy. This stage is especially important if your relationship wasn’t healthy. Things were said and things we were done that can’t be taken back.
“When issues are not addressed, the risk of recurrence and lingering bad feelings is high,” says Dr. Emily Blake, a psychologist at Blake Psychology.
Even if the other person will not apologize of the things he or she said or have done, is not what is important. What is important is your closure and peace of mind. With forgiveness and letting go of the past you will be able close that chapter of your life and start a new.
The past can be hurtful as you sit and reflect on it, but always remember that although you can’t change what has happened you can decide right now how you will let it affect you in the present moment.
Self-care routine during the healing process
It’s time to get back to you and your needs. Think about how you want to spend your days and nights making yourself happy. You can tap into your creative side by doing some writing or painting. If you like to be more active you can get involved into sports, running, dance, or go to the gym. Spending quality time with friends and family during those lonely days.
Try something new. Be mindful of any negative thoughts or negative self-talk you might be experiencing. That inner voice can be troublesome and it shouldn’t be ignored. Examine why you think or feel the way you do about yourself. Reverse those thoughts and negative self-talk into loving ones. Take as much time as you need to heal, to trust, to love, and to forgive yourself wholeheartedly before you choose to love again.
Preparing for the new
“My heart might be bruised, but it will recover and become capable of seeing beauty of life once more. It’s happened before, it will happen again, I’m sure. When someone leaves, it’s because someone else is about to arrive–I’ll find love again.” ― Paulo Coelho, The Zahir
Whether or not you choose to date for a while or enter a new relationship always remember that you are always worthy of true love. The pain and suffering you might have experienced in the past doesn’t have to change you or make you feel cold towards others. You can accept them as lessons learned and apply those lessons in the future.
One ending of a relationship isn’t a failure. I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Take the time to understand the purpose for all of the people you choose to be around you and those you accept as lovers.
Embrace the new journey you’re about to embark on.
My name is Siedah and I am a writer and entrepreneur who loves to share my story and experiences with others. You can read more at www.iamlovexo.com