There’s something that’s very very important. It’s something that most men downplay a lot. In the past me myself has always downplayed it. What is this thing? Well it’s called affection. What is affection? Well according to the Urban Dictionary. “Affection is a physical way of showing just how much you love someone. Its a fondness that consumes you. Wanting to touch, tickle, kiss, hug, or hold.”
I was never big on affection. It just simply wasn’t my thing. Looking back at my childhood I just never really had an affectionate relationship with my parents and I guess it trickled down to my love life. In my earlier serious relationships.
I hated cuddling. Hated holding hands. Didn’t really like kissing or making out. I only really did it when it was initiated by my girlfriend orrrr when we were engaging in sexual activity. That was the only time I was actually willingly affectionate. But I never thought much about it. Or even considered it as an issue. That was just the way I was.
However things went south with her eventually. And I was with a new girlfriend. This was the relationship that made me realized how bad my lack of affection was. Because she demanded affection. She was the type that always needed to be held and be up under her man.
She loved cuddling holding hands all that mushy stuff that I hated. And half heartedly I tried it but quickly I got annoyed by her. I felt smothered and I started pushing her away. It just made me feel uncomfortable it just wasn’t something I was used to. I just seen her as clingy and needy and it made the relationship difficult. However I still didn’t think of it as an issue. I just felt I wasn’t that type of guy.
However it was something that she noticed. Whenever she actually got me to show affection to her it would lead directly to sex. If we were cuddling it would quickly lead to sex. Shoulder rubs, Massages, Kissing, hugging, etc we were fucking. I thought everything was good until she hit me with the “We need to talk.”
She invited me over she told me she didn’t think we were bonding enough. And that she felt as though she wasn’t getting the affection she needed from me. She told me that we should take a break on having sex and work on building a bond. I didn’t like that of course. I objected heavily.
I still didn’t see an issue with my actions. I just felt she was extremely clingy and over emotional and that she was overreacting. We argued about it for a few days and then she gave me an ultimatum. Which was basically lets try this shit out or we breaking up. Ok Fine. I decided to try it out with her. The first week was weird but I thought about what she said and that’s when I realized I had an issue.
And I started being more open emotionally to her. And I had to learn how to be more affectionate. However in that month I can say we bonded more then we ever did before. It was great! And it got to the point where I was being affectionate because I wanted to be and not because it was demanded of me to be. We held hands in public. Whenever we met up the first thing I would do is kiss her to her surprise. When it came to cuddling or even massages I would initiate it. Eventually I got used to it and it became routine.
We became closer and more intimate then we ever been. It led to us falling in love with each other. And of course we eventually got back to having sex but that wasn’t the main focus of our relationship anymore. Its crazy though. Because I never realized how much it meant to her or how much it meant to women in the first place. Granted I was younger at time and way less mature than what I am now.
So if I could give advice to men in similar situations. If a women craves more affection. Don’t write her off as being clingy, annoying or whiny. Work with her. Its ok to be vulnerable sometimes. And to be completely honest. I feel as though if you feel like you can’t give her the affection she needs. Then it’s no need to waste her time because you may be not be able to handle it but there’s another man that will.
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