So the other day I was listening to music. I was in a musical time machine looking at classic R&B and Hip hop videos from back in the day. And then I stumbled onto this song from the Music Artist Wale called “Bad.” It really made me think about why we are attracted to people that we know aren’t good for us. And of course this goes for men and women.
The song(Video Below) can have several interpretations. I see it as the woman (Tiara Thomas) in the video is damaged due to bad or toxic relationships in her past. And because of that she develops strong trust issues. She’s never been shown love in a relationship so she doesn’t know how to reciprocate it.
She states in the song.
“Is it bad that I never made love?
No, I never did it
But I sure know how to fuck
I’ll be your bad girl, I’ll prove it to ya
I can’t promise that I’ll be good to ya
The only level that she can bond with her man is on a sexual level and once that need is fulfilled she leaves not able to stay committed to him due to her trust issues and insecurities stemmed from past relationships.
The Man in the video(Wale) knows she may not be good for him due to her issues but comes at her anyway even acknowledging the paradox himself. Which finally leads me to the Topic.
“Bad girls ain’t no good, and the good girls ain’t no fun
And the hood girls want a smart nigga
College girls all want a thug
So it seems that we fiend what we don’t need
Got a thing for a queen who know when to leave“
Which finally leads me to the Topic. Why do we “fiend” for what we don’t need?
Why Do Men knowingly Date “Bad” Women?
We Love The Rush
First I’ll start with the Men. I think we just get off on dating the “crazy” women. It gives us a rush. Especially when we are younger. We overlook that quiet girl in the corner for a girl that gives us more excitement. On top of that we want the women that everyone else wants, so the women that draws the most attention are usually who we are drawn to ourselves.
Some guys also love the back and forth with their women. They want a women who they can argue with all day. Some guys get off on that. Hell there’s some guys that even like getting hit by their women or even the extremes like weapons being pulled out and things like that. It’s really the unpredictability that gives men that rush.
Some Men Are “Savers”
There are some men who have a savior complex. They mess with someone who they know is not good for them or someone who is toxic. And instead of leaving them alone so the person can heal or fix themselves. They attempt to “save” them. In turn they take on all the baggage and pain the person may have had during previous relationships.
For example if the man was dealing with the type of woman that was in the video. Knowing what type of woman she is wouldn’t scare him away it would only make him desire her more. He would believe that her being with him would help alleviate her pain and distrust and that would save her.
Some Men Are Fixers
A “Fixer” and a “Saver” may sound similar but the difference is a saver will date or be drawn to someone they may feel pity or bad about but they will still accept them for who they are. While a fixer will instead try to mold the person into who they think they should be. If they are with a broken person they will try to put the pieces back together.
Again using the woman from the video as an example. The man dealing with her will try to change or “fix” her. He will try to change her from a “Bad” girl to a “Good” Girl. The girl in the video is a woman who bounces from person to person due to her commitment issues. The man knowing that she isn’t good for him would try to fix her by trying to turn her into a loyal faithful woman. Even though there are other options out there for him he will still go out of his way to try to change her.
Why Do Women Knowingly Date “Bad” Men
They Love The Excitement
Women, especially younger women love excitement. And the “Bad” Men definitely bring excitement. On top of that they tend to have the cool factor going for them which is a plus. Also like the men they love the rush that they tend to get from these guys. These kind of guys tend to usually be involved in some type of drama or even danger that gets women excited.
On top of that these men tend to be very unpredictable. It’s more exciting dealing with someone where you don’t know what’s going happen rather than the man where you can predict everything he’s about to do.
Women Like To “Tame The Beast”
Everyone likes an anti-hero. You know the character that starts off as a bad mysterious person but over time in the story gets some character development and becomes a pseudo good person while still having some of those “Bad Traits”. Some examples would be Michael Corelone from the Godfather, Jack Sparrow, Punisher, Wolverine and Deadpool(for you younger people)
Some women LOVE anti-heros and love those traits in their men. There are many examples of this. There are women that try to change street thugs into productive members of society while still keeping their street edge. There are some women who are attracted to a man who may have a reputation for being with alot of women and try to change him into a loyal faithful one women man in an attempt to tame him. Then there are women who simply love the “Bad Boys” but want them to only be good to them.
While all of these examples are very unrealistic it doesn’t stop them from being attracted to them and the idea that can change them or make them conform.
Some Women Are “Savers” Too
I talked about this “savior complex” with the men and while I personally believe men do this more. I also believe women fall harder when having this complex. Women for the most part are way more nurturing then men. So when they find a broken man with a sob story and a bunch a baggage. They are way more emotionally invested in him. Way more invested into building him back and at times taking care of him. Sometimes a the relationship can mirror a mother and son relationship rather than a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship. Which of course isn’t healthy.
And even when she finds out that he isn’t good for her. She is so emotionally invested in this process of building him back up. That if she walks away and breaks it off. In her head she’ll see it as a failure and a waste of time on her part. So she convinces her self to stay until dealing with problems that may come with it.
What Do You Think?
Do you agree/disagree? Why do YOU think we are attracted to the wrong people? Feel free to give to your opinion and your personal experiences in the comment section below. Like, Share and Subscribe.