The Importance of Confidence in a Relationship
It seems that more and more people these days are struggling with their self-confidence. While I’m not sure if this has to do with today’s generation and our dependency on personal affirmation through social media, it can certainly have a lasting impact on our lives.
Not only do your confidence levels impact your career, appearance, and general outlook on life, but they can also have a serious effect on your relationships. Here are some of the reasons it’s crucial to feel self-assured while in a relationship, and tips on how to build back up your own confidence.
It changes how you communicate
Relationships are all about communication between you and your partner. Healthy communication includes productive conversation and conflict resolution. If you suffer from low self-esteem, however, you can experience mood swings and have difficulty finding the courage to advocate for your own needs. This frustration and anxiety often leads to confusion and arguments that can damage your relationship.
But, low self-image is not a life sentence and doesn’t have to affect how you and your partner communicate. An effective way to improve your relationship’s communication can also improve your confidence: taking some alone time to reflect on yourself.
Instead of harping on your failures, ask yourself what your strengths are. How can you use those strengths to address your shortcomings in communicating? Use this insight to inform how you approach your relationship as well. How do you and your partner differ in communication attachment styles? Under what circumstances do you work well together, and where do you need to improve? Giving real thought to these issues will help you feel more confident and more prepared to tackle major issues within your relationship.
It can affect intimacy
A lack of confidence also often makes itself known in the bedroom for both men and women. Not only can a lack of comfort lead to an inability to perform or enjoy the moment, but it can also lead to performance anxiety. In men, this is often expressed through premature ejaculation, and in women through vaginal dryness.
Instead of allowing a lack of confidence to affect your sex life, speak with your partner about your insecurities beforehand so you can find different ways to approach the situation and prevent it from interrupting your intimate life.
Perhaps that means changing up positions, including more foreplay, or testing the waters with non-penetrative sex. If you still struggle with these issues, however, consider speaking with a doctor about a topical spray that allows men to last longer in bed, or a water-based lubricant that makes sex more comfortable for women. Whichever way you approach it, taking matters into your own hands will give you the confidence to relax into the moment and enjoy the closeness with your partner in a way that’s pleasurable for both of you.
It can make you insecure in your partner
All too often, a lack of confidence can cause you to project your insecurities and become hyper-critical of your partner’s actions or insecure in their feelings toward you. This can manifest in anger, put-downs, or self-sabotage of your own relationship.
If you notice these behaviors in yourself, it’s important to have an open and honest conversation with your partner. Explain to them where your anger is coming from and devise a plan on how to move forward in a healthier way. Often, couples facing these struggles find success in couple’s counseling, where both you and your partner can discuss relational changes you wish to see and revisit what you both consider to be “real love”. Reconnecting with your partner and sharing your thoughts about your love should help improve your confidence in yourself and in your relationship.
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