When it comes to love and relationships marriage is usually seen as the end-goal. The way to solidify your commitment to each other. Whether it’s through cultural tradition, religious reasons, or societal norms. Marriage is expected through both parties man and woman. However in 2019 things are changing. People are marrying less and marrying later.The marriage rate has been on a steady decline since 1970. People are becoming more and more open to cohabitation with one another Especially among men. Why are some men afraid to go through with marriage? Well I’ll attempt to explain it.
Note Before You Read: This article is not me telling you whether you should get married or not. Or if I personally agree with it. If you both love each other do what’s best for you two. <3 I’m just telling you what goes on in Mens heads…Thank you, Enjoy.
More Responsibility/Pressure
The title of Husband alone bears responsibility. There are also more expectations in a marriage. In a Marriage there is seemingly more pressure. Not just from his Wife, But also from his family and also her family. When it comes to social norms and traditional family structure. The man is expected to be the provider. He is expected to be the protecter. He is the head of the family. If everythings falls everyone looks at him. Of course in a regular relationship these are expectations as well. But if there is too much pressure on him. He always has the option to walk away from the relationship with no penalties.
Once he signs the marriage contract. It’s alot more difficult for him to leave. Once commited he has to honor that responsibility. Alot of men may not be ready for that at that stage of their life. Especially with younger men. It’s hard for them to commit at such a young age. As I said before there is outside pressure. There is now a spotlight on him. The father that walked his daughter down the aisle is expecting her husband to protect and take care of her. His mother is making sure he does the right thing. Everyone is watching him now compared to when he was just dating.
It’s like if you are planning to hang out with your friends. If you tell them you “might be there”. It’s easy for you to change your mind once that day comes since you don’t have to be committed to it. But if you say you definitely will be there 100%. When that day comes. Because you commited to it. It’s more pressure and it’s more of a responsibility on you to meet them there.
Marriage Among Men Has A Negative Connotation
Friends And Family Influence
When a woman gets engaged she shows her ring to all her friends they jump up and down getting all hype. She may share the news on social media and get showered with congrats and a bunch of postive feedback. Especially if her family and friends likes the guy. A guy gets engaged he gets his congrats too.
But among his circle of male friends and even male family members. The energy may be different. They may even have light-hearted jokes for him. ” Haha You finally surrendered.” “Haha she got you by the balls now.” “Haha I never thought you’d be out the game.” Some may even have concerns asking him if this is really what he wants to do. He may even have a married friend or relative. Tell him how bad their marriage is. And tell him that either he shouldn’t get married or that he should wait.
Marriage Horror Stories
There are so many horror stories when it comes to marriage from both men and women. I hear about them all the time whether it’s from family, friends and even people at work. However I say the media people scares men the most. When a man checks his phone and sees that a male celebrity or male athlete gets divorced and loses custody of his kids and loses alot of his assets. It worries him.
Even if he isn’t a millionare or billionare he still doesn’t want to take that risk of getting a divorce(more on that later) When he hears stories from men on the the internet sharing stories of how their wives divorced them and “took” everything. It makes them see marriage as a bad thing. Especially if they come from environments or were raised in a household/family where “Broken Homes” are the norm.
Marriage Can Be Very Expensive
They say love don’t cost a thing. That love is priceless. Well the Average cost of a wedding in 2018 clocked in a $44,000. That’s a pretty hefty price tag on love. However I won’t be disingenuous. The man isn’t supposed to pay for all of that. The wedding traditionally is payed for by the brides father and family and the man pays for the ring, the wedding dress and of course the honeymoon. Now do you remember what I said about pressure?
If you’re not financially secure as a man that could bother you. A ring is supposed to be what, 2 months salary? He may not be able to get her the ring she wants. There may be expectations that he can’t meet. Even if he is dealing with a female that understands. He may still be afraid to pop the question until he is in a better place financially. He doesn’t want her family and friends laughing at his ring or even his wife being silently dissapointed in it.
Alot of women has been dreaming about their wedding since they saw their first disney movie. They already in their head know exactly in detail how it’s going to go Whether it’s a big wedding or a small one. And its likely going to be a big one. So what happens when it isn’t a traditional wedding and her family can’t cover the cost of the wedding. The responsibility falls on him. If he can’t give her the wedding of her dreams. Again, it’s going to bother him. He doesn’t want to be looked at as cheap or broke. Also men as a whole and women as a whole doesn’t look at weddings the same way. Not saying that men doesn’t like weddings. But I’m sure they would rather use the $44,000 for other things such as a downpayment on a house getting a a vehicle or just saving that money for a rainy day.
They Are Afraid Of Divorce
I’ve mentioned how Marriage has such a negative connotation attached to it among men. I’ve mentioned the horror stories. Alot of the horror stories revolves around the word “Divorce”. A lot of men will tell you that they aren’t afraid of commitment….
They are actually afraid of getting a divorce. According to Divorce Statistics 41% of all marriages end in divorce. So I can see the concern. You don’t want to break the bank for marriage and a wedding just for it not to work at the end. Divorce isn’t free either. Men see divorce as a huge risk they would rather not take. I myself didn’t even know that the average marriage in the US lasts about 8.2 years. That’s not even a decade.
It’s not just simply divorce that they fear though. It’s the effect of divorce. A lot of men are afraid to lose their assets or even lose their family in an event of a divorce. I think what makes us even more afraid is when we see horror stories of celebrities or Athletes. Where they will marry these women. The women will file for Irreconcilable differences, divorce them and “take everything but the kitchen sink.” And now they are paying thousands of dollars in child support and also alimony finacing her lifestyle though there aren’t together anymore. It also doesn’t help that according to Divorce Statistics women initiate 66%-75% of divorces. Of course there are prenuptial agreements but even those aren’t exactly iron clad.
However I see celebrities and athletes as “rich people problems”. Their marriages aren’t exactly built to last. Also most men aren’t millionares or billionaires either. The issues I see alot of regular men have with divorce is the courts. They feel as though the court system is skewed towards women. They are afraid that if they do get divorced family court will take their children from them and there is nothing they will be able to do about it. I’ved talked to a lot of men and they don’t trust the court system at all they are afraid of getting in their words “divorce-raped.”
They Feel Like They Don’t Need Marriage To Love Their Partner
There are some men who feel as though they don’t need to marry to prove their love or commitment. I’ve heard men refer to marriage as a scam, a piece of paper or just simply a “corporate merger” of two individuals. They don’t think that marriage actually benefits them at all and prefers the flexibility of a regular relationship. They don’t see the point of paying for a wedding and everything that may come with it if they don’t have to. Or if it doesn’t last. They don’t want to take on the risk. They feel as though if it’s true love then why does she need a marrige to validify it?
In Conclusion
But those are the reasons why men may be afraid of marriage. This article will probably be controversial because it’s 2019….everything is controversial…..But Like, Comment, Share and Subscribe and remember “Love Is Confusing But We’ll Get Through It Together.”