Unconditional Love. What does that mean to you? Is it someone accepting you for all your flaws. Is it someone simply accepting you for who you are as a person? Despite your various individual beliefs and ideologies that you may have. Or is it someone who doesn’t know and doesn’t care about your flaws or beliefs but still wants to sweep you off your feet regardless? Most of us yearn for that unconditional love. We are sold on the concept of finding someone that will love us for who we are. And if we don’t get that from our partner. Then we move on from them and search for someone that will possibly give us that. We are at an early age exposed to certain media and what I like to call the Disney programming. Whereas children we are to conditioned to believe that no matter who are or what we do. There will always be someone to sweep us off our feet and love us. Now am I saying that unconditional love doesn’t exist? No but I believe things are more complex than that. So let’s break things down shall we?
Love From Parents
For most our first experience of unconditional love comes from our parents. They feed us, nurture us, teach us and clean up our shit and I mean that quite literally. They don’t ask for anything in return. There are usually no conditions for this love and nurturing. You aren’t going to have a temper tantrum and throw juice at your parents as a toddler and your parents respond by giving you away to someone else. Your aren’t going to argue with your parents, going through that “rebellious” stage as a teenager and then come in the house and see a strange person in your room and your parents tell you that you’ve been replace because they can’t deal with you anymore. There is special bond between parents/guardians and their children that you most likely won’t get anywhere else.
Where The Confusion Comes In
When you combine the unconditional love you get from your parents and the illusion of unconditional love you see from various media outlets. That is where the confusion comes in. You start expecting that from not just people in your life like friends but you definitely expect it from the partner you are searching for. Which usually leaves people very shocked and disappointed when they can’t find it. So I will say this which may be seen as controversial but the love and rapport that you have with your parent or parents is different than the love you will get from your significant other. Now am I saying that the bond you have with your significant other can’t grow to be stronger than your parental bonds? No, however the two bonds will always be different.
There are men who will come in relationships with woman and expect to have that same rapport that they have with their parents. Where they can do what they want and the woman will still be there and still love them “unconditionally” and when she leaves him or replaces him he loses his mind. There are woman who come into relationships with a man and expects him like her father to protect her, provide for her and be her shoulder to cry on “unconditionally” and when he cheats, leaves or replaces her she also loses her mind. She loses her mind because her father would never do that, that Prince in those Disney movies she grew up on would never do that. The man thinks the same thing. He thinks subconsciously that he may have given his mother a hard time but she would never leave him or replace him. And that is where the confusion lies.
Unconditional Love
So I’ve touched on parental love but what about love between two significant others, can that be unconditional? Yes, but I believe it takes time for that to develop. The biggest lie that you can tell yourself is that someone is going to right of the bat love you for who you are. I wrote an article in the past where I explained why I don’t believe in Love At First Sight. And one of my points was that it usually starts off superficial. We focus on looks, beauty, how much they make, where they work. How big her titties and ass are. How big is his dick, how good is the sex. Even if you say that I don’t care about all that. “I only judge off of their personality or character.” That is still a “condition”. If you no longer like their personality or if their character suddenly changes will you still be there to love them the same? However I do believe over time that you can build towards loving someone unconditional.
Now let me be clear I don’t mean someone that gets verbally or physically abused by their partner and keeps going back because they “love” them. No I mean someone in a functional relationship that understands their partner’s flaws and has over time maybe seen their partner’s personality evolve or their ideologies change and even though they may not wholeheartedly agree they still love them are loyal to them. Because you know people tend to change over time. Things may start out from a superficial perspective but over time and struggles you strengthen your bonds. For example at the start of the relationship or even if you just started dating, if your partner did something embarrassing like fart or something in front of you. You might be questioning the relationship. Or even making it official with them. Now five years later in a functional relationship you do it right next to your partner in bed y’all probably laugh and joke about it and nobody thinks nothing more about it.
Even on a more serious note say your married and on year 12 of a functional relationship. You’re partner gets caught in a bad fire they survive but it burns most of their body, they have scares. Now they may be insecure about the scares but you’ve built up that unconditional love over the years so it’s almost like you don’t even see the scars. You don’t see any imperfections you truly love them for they are. However 12 years ago if you were to run into that person you may not have even dated them or married them in the first place. Year one or year two if that had happened you may have just self-destructed the relationship, because you hadn’t yet built up to loving them unconditionally yet.
if that had happened you may have just self-destructed the relationship, because you hadn’t yet built up to loving them yet.
In Conclusion
One of the major components of Love and Unconditional love is loyalty. Loyalty is being by someone side even though you have nothing to gain from it. Everyone doesn’t have that quality nor is everyone willing to develop those qualities. The lack of attention spans combined with the increase of options due to social media and increased popularity of dating apps makes everyone very disposable. No one has to work on loyalty cause if someone does something they don’t like they can get someone else. So when choosing your partner unconditional love isn’t something I would look for initially however loyalty from your partner is the key trait you should be searching for. If real loyalty is apart of them than unconditional love will develop overtime.
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