LoveIsConfusing

"Love Is LOYALTY, SACRIFICE and COMPROMISE."

Self Love

12 ways to take care of yourself after a break-up

“You owe yourself the love you freely give to other people.”

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After a break-up feelings and emotions are raw. One moment you’re over it and the next you’re missing the person. It takes time to accept what you originally wanted in the relationship might possibly never happen.

It is common to want to crawl up in bed with your favorite movie and a large bowl of ice cream. We all deal with a break-up in our own way. I recommend while experiencing these raw feelings and emotions you create a self-care routine.
I’d like to share 12 ways to take care of yourself after a break-up. Some of these ways are commonly known and others are a bit unorthodox.

  1. Clean and declutter your home.

A clean and decluttered home will help you maintain a clear mind. Get rid or hide objects that trigger memories that will make you sad. Place your favorite objects in your space that makes you happy.

  1. Do away with negative energy by smudging your home with sage.

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Clear the negative energy out of your home with smudge. Smudge is a herb called sage and it is used to clear out the negative energy from yourself, your home, and other spaces. Set your intentions, light your smudge, and move throughout your home holding the smudge root setting your intentions to clear out negative energy.

  1. Take a long and relaxing bath with bath with essential oil, Epson salt, candles, and crystals.

Lavender – improves your sleep so it makes you feel calm by relaxing your muscles. There are other benefits to lavender essential oils, which are, reduces stress and anxiety, heals burns and cuts, alleviates headaches, and improves acne and eczema.
Pink candles and crystals – pink represents love, friendship, romance, peace, for both mental health and physical, heal the heart, emotions, family, and relations.
Green candles and crystals – green is the color of your heart chakra. For healing, fertility, growth, sensation, health, money, and prosperity.

  1. Turn off your phone for an hour a day for uninterrupted time to yourself.

Whatever time length is up to you – one hour, a few hours, half a day, or a whole day.
Nowadays we tend to use our phones as distractions or to fill a void or worse- publicize what we’re going through on our social media network. Opening up online leaves a chance for others opinions without knowing the whole story. Let’s try to elevate the drama, shall we?
Also, your recent ex might be trying to contact you during this time or might feel compelled to reach out without good intentions. It is always a good thing to be clear what it is you want before you reopen the line of communication.

  1. Play your favorite tunes and dance, dance, dance.

Music is used as a form of therapy as a way to help reduce stress. Moving your body while in the act of dance makes you feel good. You can’t go wrong with this combination, in my opinion. I personally like to take Zumba classes and I am dying to try a Latin dance class soon.

  1. Write yourself a love letter

This is a helpful and healing exercise to do. You can write a loving letter to yourself that is also encouraging you too much forward and be open to love. Or you can write a positive and loving message you need to hear about this particular breakup. There is no wrong way to do this exercise. Bring the letter out and read it anytime you feel sad and need to be reminded of the love that is within you.

  1. Go for a run or walk in nature.

When we are still for too long random thoughts tend to come to us. After a breakup, not too many positive and loving thoughts come to us. Some of our thoughts are egotistical, self-defeating, or negative about the other person. Going for a run or a walk in nature tends to ground us emotionally and spiritually.

  1. Treat yourself to a session with a spiritual counselor or tarot reader or psychic.

I’ve met with therapists while I was going through my divorce a few years back. It is nothing like meeting with a spiritual counselor who can channel energy and see past, present, and future events. Some folks don’t believe in therapy or psychics and tarot readers. For those of you who are more open-minded, I recommend you try meeting with a local spiritual counselor or search for someone on YouTube. It was life-changing for me and anytime I need a guide or a mentor I consult with a psychic or tarot reader to read the energies around me. Did I mention it is life-changing? 🙂

  1. Help others who are in need.

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It is okay to experience those feelings you feel after a breakup. We need to not suppress or avoid those feelings because if not they will surface in other ways when we least expect it. After you’ve allowed yourself to experience those feelings turn your focus to helping someone in need directly or indirectly. I find it fulfilling to help others and it makes me focus my attention and energy towards gratitude. Gratitude will always trump fear and negative emotions any time.

  1. Meditate for at least 20 minutes a day.

Simply pick a quiet space in your home and spend 20 minutes (at least) to yourself. Try not to control the thoughts and feelings that come up as you sit quietly in this space. In these 20 minutes, you will experience a release. A release of your thoughts and emotions.

  1. Attend a yoga class or an intensive workout.

If dancing isn’t what you like to do you can try yoga or an intensive workout. You can do this in the privacy of your home or at a local gym. Get your body moving because this will help your body and overall well-being. Working out pumps your endorphins which has some direct stress-busting benefits to help you to feel good.

  1. Call a friend or family member to vent over a glass of wine.

There is nothing like spending quality time with your friends and just venting about how you feel over a glass of wine. It literally feels like a comfortable therapy session. Call up someone you trust and ask them if they can spend some time with you. You don’t have to be alone while you go through this breakup and a good friend wouldn’t want you to.
Remember that is okay to feel the feelings and emotions you are experiencing. However, you have to continue to push forward and pick yourself up out of that. The last thing we want you to do is to sink into a depression.
So by creating your own personal self-care routine you will place yourself in a happy state. Sometimes we have to be our own cheerleaders by encouraging ourselves to move forward. We tend to be more present in the moments of suffering longer. Take this time for yourself because you are worthy of love on all levels.

Share with you which of the 12 ways to take care of yourself will you use in your self-care routine?

12 ways to take care of yourself

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My name is Siedah (Si-EE-dah) and I am a writer and entrepreneur who loves to share my story and experiences with others. You can follow me on Twitter @AskSiedah or my website www.iamlovexo.com.

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You don’t HAVE to be in a relationship

 

 

You dont have to be in relationship

You don’t HAVE to be in a relationship. I’ll say it one more time. You don’t HAVE to be in a relationship! This may sound a little weird if not bizarre coming from the guy that specializes in all things relationships. But I think it’s the truth. So many people feel as though it validates them to be with someone. I speak to so many single people out here and I just feel as though it’s so much of an urge for them to be dating someone, or be on the cuffs of having a relationship with another person.

Now obviously I’m not saying that people shouldn’t want a relationship or be single forever however, I feel as though society puts so much pressure on people being in relationships that people just hop in them for all the wrong reasons.

Our Fascination with relationships.

You don't HAVE to be in a relationship

We are so fascinated by relationships. We are worried about which celebrity is dating who. Hell Jay Z and Beyonce has made millions over these past years because we are so heavily invested in their relationship. We lurk on Social Media to see who our friends are talking to. They change their relationship status and we are the first to comment “what happened”. Wanting to know every detail.

You can’t really watch one show or movie without the main protagonist being in a relationship or having a love interest. Even if they have to force that little sub-plot in there somehow. They do it because that’s what we are interested in.

It’s almost seen in a negative light to be single. Like it’s a bad thing. I almost feel as though when someone is single we kind of subconsciously see them as “damaged goods.” Cause let’s be honest everyone seems a hell of a lot more “attractive” when they are with someone. But if they are single it’s a little different.

Even if the woman is really attractive and a great person as a guy you’re thinking ok why is she single something must be wrong. And I’m sure the same goes for women when they see a great single guy. Even though you all probably assume that guy is single because he wants to be a whore or something.

Sex

You don't HAVE to be in a relationship

But that’s another thing also, Sex.
Remember when I said people jump into relationships for the wrong reasons. Well this is one of the biggest reasons. People get bashed heavily for having sex outside of a relationship. It’s seen as dirty. Especially if a woman is doing it. It doesn’t take too long until she starts getting a reputation as a flirt or a whore. Alot of people may not agree with me on this but, I believe if you’re single when it comes to sex.

Male or female you can do what you want as long you protect yourself and not messing with someone that is in a relationship. But back to my point. People love sex but don’t want to be bashed for it so it’s one if the reasons why people hop into relationships.

Everyone isn’t ready for commitment

You don't HAVE to be in a relationship

Everyone just isn’t ready to be in a relationship. I always say a relationship is like a second job. There is so much effort you have to put in it. Everyone isn’t mentally ready to be in one and to be honest most people aren’t even mature enough to be in one. A “serious” relationship isn’t about one person. Your actions. affects the other person and vice versa. It takes two people being in synch with one another.

And quite frankly every person on the planet may not be able to handle something like that at this juncture in their lives. And people like this gets pressured by society and hops into a relationship and because they weren’t ready. They wind up hurting the other person because they weren’t all the way invested.

Validation

You don't HAVE to be in a relationship

I also said earlier that people needs validation. Being in a relationship validates them. When they are single they feel like they have a void in their life. They don’t feel complete. Sometimes it’s even an image thing. They need to be looked at a certain way. A relationship becomes their identity. They need someone to be hugged up with in pictures or videos. They need to have their “bae”.

This is usually the people that hops in and out of relationships. Every month the relationship status changes and they are cuddled up with someone new. Some people want validation because they assume thats what validates everyone else. They are constantly the third or fifth wheel on dates and everytime they turn around and see a happy couple and may think thats what they are missing to acheive their happiness.

In conclusion

Again I’m not saying that wanting to be in a relationship is bad or that you should stay single. I’m saying don’t just hop into a relationship just for self validation or because of pressure. Even if the pressure is coming from the person that may want to be with you. Being single isn’t a bad thing either.

It may give you time to get your life or head together so that when you feel as though the time is right you can be in a meaningful and fulfilling relationship..Orrr you can just be single and not have to deal with your girlfriend stealing fries off your plate after she finished her meal…..The choice is yours and that’s my whole entire point. You have a choice you don’t HAVE to be in a relationship. Like, Share, and Subscribe and remember. “Love is confusing but we’ll get through it together.” And happy early FORTH OF JULY!!!!

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Why Loving Yourself Is Extremely Important

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Why Loving Yourself Is Important

Why loving yourself is important

Last time I talked about self love was when I wrote “3 steps to loving yourself.” It was well received and judging by the comments it helped a lot of people which is the whole point of why I write. Now while I gave you those three steps I never told you why loving yourself is important. I mean maybe a little but I didn’t really go into depth about it. I’ve read some articles and in my opinion it seemed like they didn’t go into depth either.

Loving Yourself Is A Dangerous Weapon

Loving yourself is important

It bothered me because if you didn’t guess by the title loving yourself is the most important thing you can do. Everything starts with it and most of your problems can be solved by it. The ability to love yourself is a dangerous weapon. People fear the one’s that have it. Because they are harder to manipulate, harder to get over on and harder to control. Opinions of others tend to bother you a lot less and your own opinions on yourself begins to matter a lot more. It becomes in a way your shield and sword. As your self confidence grows more and more.

The people without this weapon however are the ones preyed upon. Some men look for women who doesn’t have this weapon of self love. Why? Because it’s easier for him to get what he want from her. She becomes an easy target for him. There are women who do the same to men. Because he lacks this weapon he falls for her charm and empties his bank account for her. As a matter of fact the ugly truth is this world functions off of taking away the ability of you loving yourself to make a profit. Always telling you that you aren’t good enough. Good looking enough. Strong enough. Smart enough…Happy enough. That’s why you should always be armed by loving yourself.

Happiness Starts with you.

Why Self Love Is
“Happiness begins and ends with you”

Speaking of happiness. Being happy starts with you. If you don’t love yourself you will never be happy. I’ve seen people who seemingly had it all. Money, success and that house on the hill but were either still miserable or they had to have more it was never enough. Despite all that they had gained and despite all that they had accomplished they didn’t love themselves and they weren’t happy. They had a void that many people have and were trying to fill it but to no avail. When your source of happiness becomes reliant on everything but yourself it becomes a problem.

My happiness used to come from the appreciation of others. I wanted to make everyone happy. I wanted that pat on the back, that high five. I wanted people to acknowledge me. Ex’s in the past that I wanted to make happy sometimes at the expense of my own happiness. I didn’t really take the time to worry about what made me happy. At the time I didn’t care. As long as got that appreciation I was fine. It wasn’t until my breakup that I realized that I had no identity of my own. I was who ever I had to be to make everyone else happy…..if that makes sense. I realized that I had lost myself and decided to take steps to finding out who I was.

Without Self Love It Becomes Easier To Lose Yourself

Why Loving yourself is important

It’s very easy to lose yourself. When you look at that person in an abusive relationship and wonder why don’t they just leave. You may call them stupid or naive every time they leave and wind up going back into that toxic relationship. You may look at that drug addict that’s hooked on cocaine. That does unimaginable things to get their fix and wonder how did things ever get to this point.

Both situations have a common denominator. They both eventually lost themselves. They stopped loving themselves or maybe they never learned how in the first place. Instead they looked for other things to give them that love instead of looking within. For the person in the relationship they looked for the affection of their partner and for the addict they turned to drugs and got trapped. Some of you have been in this situation before. Others have seen people in this situation. And there’s others who think they can never be in this situation but I’m sure the people in both situations felt the same.

In “Three Steps To Loving Yourself” I said that you had to “figure out who you are.” Once you truly get your identity. It’s harder to lose yourself because when you start slipping you will hopefully be able to pull yourself back from that abyss. Like I said earlier loving yourself is your weapon. We’re all human and there is this thing called life. Anything can happen that may push you over the edge. A death to a loved one. Break ups and divorces. You could lose your job. These things can push you to that abyss but by loving yourself it makes it easier to cope with them. Physically, mentally and emotionally.

Self Love Improves Your Health

Why Loving Yourself Is Important

Physical Health

When you begin to love yourself you become more conscious of the things you do. You’re going want to improve. You may decide to start taking better care of yourself. You are what you eat right? So you may start eating better. Skipping out on that fast food and junk food and replacing it with healthy alternatives. In my opinion you just become more motivated. You may start going to the gym, jogging but the most important thing is your going to want to do it for yourself. No matter what your physical goals may be. You won’t do just so more women can look at you or so guys jaws drop when you walk past. That will be just…the cherry on the cake. However your going be doing it so when you look at yourself you’ll see the physical self improvement and give yourself a pat on the back. You’ll deserve it.

Mental Health

I noticed once I started taking the steps to loving myself. I experienced some changes. I noticed my anxiety that I battled with seemingly my whole life significantly decreased over time. I made more logical decisions rather than making decisions based off of emotion. It was easier for me to shake negative habits that I had. Such as laziness, procrastination and other things. However most importantly it increased my self esteem. I just woke up feeling a lot better about myself. I liked who I seen in the mirror and as a result I wanted to make my mission for that person in the mirror to have the most happiness a human being can have in a lifetime.

In Conclusion

Loving yourself isn’t easy. Trust me I wouldn’t be writing this if it was. However it’s extremely important. It’s a weapon that everyone should have ready to use at all times. There are many people out there that wants to take that weapon from you because they know much power comes from self love. Remember loving yourself is free. I can’t give you that ability nor can the person next to you. It comes from within, it comes from you. I can give you steps. i can even give valid reasons why you should practice self love. But at the end of the day it comes down to you. And I know you can do it! Like, Share and Comment and Subscribe if you liked it. Remember “Love Is Confusing But We’ll Get Through It Together.”

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