LoveIsConfusing

"Love Is LOYALTY, SACRIFICE and COMPROMISE."

Toxic Relationships

7 Signs That You Are Being Used By A Man

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We live in generation where narcissism runs wild. People tend to only look out for themselves. People for the most part aren’t looking to get to know you. But rather they are looking to get something out of you. Whether it is physical, spiritual or emotional and modern day relationships are no different. As a matter of fact people that try to use or manipulate tend to be people close or intimate to you. Such as a significant other. Now originally I was going to write a single article on the signs of both men and women. But I decided to give both their own articles because men and women as a WHOLE tends to go about things differently. Now without further ado 7 Signs That You Are Being Used By A Man.

1. Only Hits You Up For Sex

using for ex

Yeah let’s get the easy one out the way. If you’re looking for a serious relationship with him but the only time he contacts you is when he’s trying to fuck obviously you’re being used by a man. Also pay attention to the conversations you have with him. If every conversation with him circles back to sex or sexual flirting then he could be just using you for sex. Even down to his compliments. “Beautiful”, “Gorgeous” are compliments men tend to make towards women he’s serious about while names like “Sexy”, “Bad”, or “Hot” are used for women that men are just trying to fuck.

2. Lacks Commitment

no commitment

Another sign to look out for is the lack of commitment. Maybe you’ve been messing around for some time and you’re wanting to take things to the next level. You’ll ask him “So what are we?” If he’s just using you chances are he won’t know how to answer the question. Or he’ll give you the run around and make excuses. If you’re being used by a man he will find every reason and every way to waste your time and energy without having to actually be exclusive to you.

3. You Only Operate On His Schedule

checking phone

Missed calls and late texts responses are the norm. You operate on his schedule. He may only hit you up in the morning. He may only hit you up in the evening. It may even just be on certain days. But your life revolves around him. His time will always be more important than yours. Plans and dates will only be made at his convenience and can also be canceled at anytime.

4. There Is No Genuine Interest In You

man no interest

Your personal goals and dreams will not really matter to him. Getting him to listen to you will be a chore. The only time he’ll be excited to talk is if it’s about whatever he’s using you for. The conversations may be very “surface level”. and may revolve around only sex. One word and two word text responses may also be the norm. Also very short phone calls with the excuse of being “busy”.

5. He Only Cares About His Needs

man ignoring woman

If you do get him to talk chances are the conversation will be all about him. When it comes to doing things together he’ll never meet you half way and instead will convince you to come to him. He will be reluctant to listen to you and your problems and may also just blow them off. He will be very selfish when it comes to the relationship. Whether it’s emotionally, sexually or even spirituality. His goal is to drain you. Which is usually the main goal of all narcissists.

6. He Makes You Afraid To Say No

Afraid to

The Male Narcissistic tends to prey on woman who either has low self esteem or a woman who has a good heart. With both it’s easy for him to make himself the victim. He will often make you do things you don’t want to. It becomes easy to use you since you now look at him as the sympathetic figure. Woman tend to be the more nurturing sex and the man will use that trait to his advantage. Making you afraid to say no. Whether he’s pressuring you for sex, asking for money, or even a place to stay.

7. Never Gives Anything In Return

bored-woman

A user for the most part only knows how to take. A user usually never gives anything back of value. I always say love is loyalty, compromise and sacrifice. You’ll get none of these from a man that’s using you. You will sacrifice your time and feelings for him but he will always be hesitant to do it for you. He will never compromise with you. Everything will always be about him. And how loyal he is will be based off how much you allow him to take from you. The moment you stand up for yourself he will leave and find another victim to use.

 

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Why Are We Attracted To The Wrong People?

So the other day I was listening to music. I was in a musical time machine looking at classic R&B and Hip hop videos from back in the day. And then I stumbled onto this song from the Music Artist Wale called “Bad.” It really made me think about why we are attracted to people that we know aren’t good for us. And of course this goes for men and women.

The song(Video Below) can have several interpretations. I see it as the woman (Tiara Thomas) in the video is damaged due to bad or toxic relationships in her past. And because of that she develops strong trust issues. She’s never been shown love in a relationship so she doesn’t know how to reciprocate it.

She states in the song.

“Is it bad that I never made love?
No, I never did it
But I sure know how to fuck
I’ll be your bad girl, I’ll prove it to ya
I can’t promise that I’ll be good to ya

‘Cause I had some issues
I won’t commit, no, not havin’ it”

The only level that she can bond with her man is on a sexual level and once that need is fulfilled she leaves not able to stay committed to him due to her trust issues and insecurities stemmed from past relationships.

The Man in the video(Wale) knows she may not be good for him due to her issues but comes at her anyway even acknowledging the paradox himself. Which finally leads me to the Topic.

“Bad girls ain’t no good, and the good girls ain’t no fun
And the hood girls want a smart nigga
College girls all want a thug
So it seems that we fiend what we don’t need
Got a thing for a queen who know when to leave“

Which finally leads me to the Topic. Why do we “fiend” for what we don’t need?

Why Do Men knowingly Date “Bad” Women?

We Love The Rush

First I’ll start with the Men. I think we just get off on dating the “crazy” women. It gives us a rush. Especially when we are younger. We overlook that quiet girl in the corner for a girl that gives us more excitement. On top of that we want the women that everyone else wants, so the women that draws the most attention are usually who we are drawn to ourselves.

Some guys also love the back and forth with their women. They want a women who they can argue with all day. Some guys get off on that. Hell there’s some guys that even like getting hit by their women or even the extremes like weapons being pulled out and things like that. It’s really the unpredictability that gives men that rush.

Some Men Are “Savers”

There are some men who have a savior complex. They mess with someone who they know is not good for them or someone who is toxic. And instead of leaving them alone so the person can heal or fix themselves. They attempt to “save” them. In turn they take on all the baggage and pain the person may have had during previous relationships.

For example if the man was dealing with the type of woman that was in the video. Knowing what type of woman she is wouldn’t scare him away it would only make him desire her more. He would believe that her being with him would help alleviate her pain and distrust and that would save her.

Some Men Are Fixers

A “Fixer” and a “Saver” may sound similar but the difference is a saver will date or be drawn to someone they may feel pity or bad about but they will still accept them for who they are. While a fixer will instead try to mold the person into who they think they should be. If they are with a broken person they will try to put the pieces back together.

Again using the woman from the video as an example. The man dealing with her will try to change or “fix” her. He will try to change her from a “Bad” girl to a “Good” Girl. The girl in the video is a woman who bounces from person to person due to her commitment issues. The man knowing that she isn’t good for him would try to fix her by trying to turn her into a loyal faithful woman. Even though there are other options out there for him he will still go out of his way to try to change her.

Why Do Women Knowingly Date “Bad” Men

They Love The Excitement

Women, especially younger women love excitement. And the “Bad” Men definitely bring excitement. On top of that they tend to have the cool factor going for them which is a plus. Also like the men they love the rush that they tend to get from these guys. These kind of guys tend to usually be involved in some type of drama or even danger that gets women excited.

On top of that these men tend to be very unpredictable. It’s more exciting dealing with someone where you don’t know what’s going happen rather than the man where you can predict everything he’s about to do.

Women Like To “Tame The Beast”

Everyone likes an anti-hero. You know the character that starts off as a bad mysterious person but over time in the story gets some character development and becomes a pseudo good person while still having some of those “Bad Traits”. Some examples would be Michael Corelone from the Godfather, Jack Sparrow, Punisher, Wolverine and Deadpool(for you younger people)

Some women LOVE anti-heros and love those traits in their men. There are many examples of this. There are women that try to change street thugs into productive members of society while still keeping their street edge. There are some women who are attracted to a man who may have a reputation for being with alot of women and try to change him into a loyal faithful one women man in an attempt to tame him. Then there are women who simply love the “Bad Boys” but want them to only be good to them.

While all of these examples are very unrealistic it doesn’t stop them from being attracted to them and the idea that can change them or make them conform.

Some Women Are “Savers” Too

I talked about this “savior complex” with the men and while I personally believe men do this more. I also believe women fall harder when having this complex. Women for the most part are way more nurturing then men. So when they find a broken man with a sob story and a bunch a baggage. They are way more emotionally invested in him. Way more invested into building him back and at times taking care of him. Sometimes a the relationship can mirror a mother and son relationship rather than a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship. Which of course isn’t healthy.

And even when she finds out that he isn’t good for her. She is so emotionally invested in this process of building him back up. That if she walks away and breaks it off. In her head she’ll see it as a failure and a waste of time on her part. So she convinces her self to stay until dealing with problems that may come with it.

What Do You Think?

Do you agree/disagree? Why do YOU think we are attracted to the wrong people? Feel free to give to your opinion and your personal experiences in the comment section below. Like, Share and Subscribe.

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Dating The Narcissistic Woman: 5 Traits of a Narcissist

It seems like more and more people I see are either narcissist or exhibit narcissistic tendencies or traits and that goes for men and women. I don’t know if it’s because of the generation we live in now where everyone wants to be the center of everything and craves attention. Whether thats through social media or through other outlets.

The traits of a narcissist can be extremely toxic to the people around them. And the closer you are to them the worse it will be. Which is why dating or potentially marrying one can be very dangerous. For this particlar article I will be highlighting women. Alot of you guys may be with a narcissist woman and don’t even know. Some of you may have already dealt with one or even several of these types of women. But without further ado I present the 5 Traits of a narcissistic Woman

The Center Of Attention

The narcissistic women tends to lack empathy and self awareness. Because of that she can be extremely delusional. She truly believes that everything revolves around her and always have to be the center of attention. She gets jealous quickly and hates to share the spotlight with anyone.

She will alienate you from your friends, your family and anyone you hold dear. She has to be the only one in your life. She’ll employ many tactics to keep you from seeing friends or love ones. She’ll start random arguments before you leave. Then there is the silent treatment to make you feel guilty for leaving and she may even coax you into sex just to keep you home and by her side.

She’ll chastise you over little things like not liking her pictures on social media. Or over not giving her enough attention and a narcissistic woman can never get enough attention. Because of that she will question your loyalty because of it. If she feels as though she’s lacking that attention from you.

She’ll have no problem getting it from someone else. She may either break it off with you and date someone else. Or if for some reason she can’t easily break up with you she will just talk to other men behind your back. Or even in front of you if she is bold enough. If caught she’ll claim they’re just friends. Or she’ll play the victim role to guilt trip you.

The Walking Victim

The narcissistic woman tends to have a defense mechanism whenever she is called out on her bs. She turns into a victim. A Walking Victim is what I call it. It’s a very powerful card that she can play to flip the narrative on anything. You catch her in a huge lie, she plays the card. You catch her destroying your property and take her to court, she plays the card. You catch her in the act of fucking another guy on camera with three other eye witnesses, yes you guessed it. She will play the card.

She will never take the blame for anything she does. If you and her break up. It will always be your fault no matter what she did. If you ask her about her past relationships she will never tell you what she did. However she will give you a very detailed explanation on everything her ex or exes did to her.

She is incapable of accepting blame or criticism. She will turn everything back at you. Or change the subject. Or bring up things that has nothing to do with the conversation. When she gets caught and she isn’t able to control the narrative she may have a meltdown where she’ll cry or even react violently. If that happens ALWAYS leave quickly.

Bow Down To The Queen

The narcissistic woman is very self centered and looks at herself as a goddess. She expects everyone to worship the ground she walks on including her man. She expects him to “Bow Down To The Queen” She doesn’t look at her man as an equal she sees him as a servant like everyone else.

Or at times she even sees him as competition. She can be very high maintenance, superficial and materialistic and comes across as very entitled. She’ll also downplay that by telling you that she’s spoiled or likes to be spoiled. That’s a red flag.

Her image is very important to her so when she dates, the only men that she considers are men that are positive for her image. Her standards are very high which isn’t a bad thing. However she doesn’t date for love she dates to impress her friends and family and even strangers. You see she gets off being the center of attention. So she uses you as her trophy man. Someone who makes other women jealous including her friends. Someone she can take pictures with on Instagram so she can show off to everyone.

As I said the narcissistic woman sees herself as a goddess. If you don’t “Bow Down To The Queen”. She will find you very replaceable. It doesn’t take much for her to find another servant. If you don’t kiss her feet and shower her with infinite praise she will just find another guy to do it. Narcissist in general are takers not givers. She will take everything from you and suck you dry. And move on to the next man when she gets bored with you or finds another man that has more to take.

Negative Energy

A Genuine Woman has the ability to give you power and give you life. The Narcissistic woman however is an energy drainer. She takes from you and gives nothing in return. Her life is full of drama. She exudes nothing but negativity energy. That she covers up with self grandeur and seduction to fool her man.

Because she’s often the center of attention she will get herself into many problems. Problems at the workplace, problems outside and problems online. She will put all of that negative energy on you venting her frustrations and because she’s a walking victim. Every problem she has will always be someone else’s fault. She is very negative often belittling people and tearing them down. Very quick to judge and criticize others even people close to her such as family and close friends.

Master Manipulator

The narcissistic woman can be very dangerous in many ways. I even think they can potentially be more dangerous then their male narcissist counter parts. If a narcissistic woman knows what she can get away with. She can ruin your life, reputation or in some situations even end your life. And will move on and have no real sorrow or empathy afterwards.

She can play the victim and turn her friends against you. Or even turn your friends and family against you. She can control the narrative alot easier than her male counterpart. She can control it so well that she can paint you as the toxic one in the relationship. She’ll have everyone thinking you are the bad guy. That you are the one that doesn’t appreciate her.

She may lie and form stories about you to sway favor to her side knowing that people will believe her. Even sometimes going as far as telling people that you physically abused her or did other things to her that could lead to you yourself being hurt or even arrested. The narcissistic women is definitely some thing to avoid.

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Why Does She Leave?: 7 Reasons Why Women Leave Toxic Relationships

No matter how much she may love her man. No matter how much bullshit she can tolerate. No matter how kind she may be. Every woman has a breaking point. A point where she has to let go to hold on to her sanity. Where she has to let go of the baggage and…..Leave. By why does she leave? There are many reasons why she may be pushed to that breaking point. And in this article I will be breaking these reasons down.

Lack Of Attention

Attention is something that is kind of downplayed by us men. Sometimes when women wants attention from us in our relationship, we look at them as annoying or we look at them as simply “acting out”. We disregard their feelings not knowing how important attention means to them. Some men think being intimate or simply having sex is all the attention that his woman needs.

Not taking into account the other things such as listening to them after they had a hard day of work. Or listening to them vent about something that may have happened to them during that day or week. Attention isn’t just listening it’s also communicating. Opening up to them. Telling her about your day. Telling her your goals. Hell even talking about the goals for your relationship.

If she’s not getting attention then depending on the type of person she is. She will either tell you. Or she will show you and hope that you get the message. If you don’t get the message than eventually she’ll get tired of telling you or showing you and she’ll reach her breaking point. And eventually she’ll leave and find someone else that will give her the attention she wants.

Disrespect

Disrespect is another reason why a woman will leave. However it’s usually consistent disrespect over a period of time which brings her to her breaking point. What is disrespect though? It can be alot of things. Consistently undermining her decisions, Putting people above her, Name calling, trying to control or change her. Being disloyal, Lying to her or withholding the truth from her.

Some women may tolerate it. Due to love, Low Self Esteem, or even just to keep the family together if children is involved. But at some point they eventually get tired of being disrespected and they leave the man behind.

Outgrown Her Lover

People overtime change. The games you played when you were younger may not be quite as fun when you’re older. With that being said. Sometimes a woman is with a guy for a long period of time. Maybe they started dating as late teens and now they are adults. However he still acts like a kid and does childish things. And is very irresponsible.

She may look towards him for leadership but realize he is still stuck on being a kid or she may have to be in that leadership role herself due to him not being able to handle it. The problem gets even worse if there is a child involved and she has to do all of the work because the man is still stuck in his ways.

She Has To Do Everything

I’m really suprised because I see alot of relationships that are so one sided. Where the woman is making the money, cooking, cleaning and the guy is kind of just……there. Y’all go out to the club she got to buy the drinks. You go out to eat she has to pay for the meal.

If a woman loves you she may tolerate it for a little while. Especially if you lost your job or something bad happens. But if she sees you are not being ambitious or looking for new work and is just trying to mooch off of her. Eventually she’ll get tired of pulling all of the weight. And she will break things off with you.

Sex Game Is Weak

……Do I really have to go into detail????

She Doesn’t Trust You

It takes awhile to build up trust with someone. However it only takes a moment to lose it. And once you lose it. It’s almost impossible to truly get it back. A healthy relationship is built on trust. When you do things like lie to her or withhold the truth. It destroys that foundation.

Some woman tolerate men that lie because of the rush she may get from catching him in his lie. But even if she tolerates it she still won’t trust you and even when you are telling the truth she still won’t believe you. But eventually she will get tired of playing detective with you and questioning everything you do.

Now cheating can probably be it’s own topic. But cheating is perhaps the ultimate form of breaking trust. And while there are alot of women who may tolerate cheaters. Eventually they are either going cheat on you back or break things off with you.

She Gives Everything

As I said before, sometimes a relationship can be extremely one sided. In the case of a woman sometimes she can give everything she has in a relationship while her partner gives nothing. She wears her heart on her sleeve and gives all the love she can. As I said in an earlier article “LOVE is LOYALTY and SACRIFICE”. She sacrifices everything for her man and remains loyal but she doesn’t receive that same gratitude from him if she even receives it at all.

Especially if she is dealing with a man with strong narcissistic characteristics. People like this only know how to take. Giving back is never an option they don’t know how. And these kind of men tend to prey on women with strong hearts that love to give. Eventually she’ll keep giving and giving until she has nothing else to give. And when she becomes drained she’ll leave.

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Why Does She Stay?- LoveIsConfusing

Why does she.jpg

Why does she stay with him? Why does she stay in a toxic relationship despite the pain he puts her through? The unfaithfulness he continuously shows her. He puts her on a pedestal while simultaneously tearing her down. Digging at her self esteem. Telling her he loves her but in the next breath that she ain’t shit. Every time she tries to leave she gets pulled back. It’s like a perpetual cycle of events. And he knows she will come back. He knows she will stay. He has that control over her. He has her on a string. And she can’t break free.

Why Does She Stay

Her family see’s his deceptions. Her friends as well. As they have warned her before she even committed. Even his friends knows the kind of person that he is. They’ve seen other women he’s treated this way and also knows of all of his side chicks. They even warn her as well. Yet why does she stay? She still stays loyal. She still holds him down. Giving him her all.

Her body, her mind, and her soul. She see’s the good in him and wants to build him up. She wants to change him. She wants to tame him. While cuddled up, sharing blunts, he let’s his guard down telling her about his childhood struggles, his fears and insecurities. She sympathizes with him and in her head wants to fix him and make him a better man.

He Doesn’t Provide

Why Does She Stay?

Why does she stay despite her having to play both roles. Provider and caretaker. He drives her vehicle. Often cheating with other women inside. He lives with her rent free. She comes home from work tired and he asks her what’s for dinner? He stands behind her proud in the supermarket line while she buys the groceries and feels even more proud when he carries the bags to her vehicle.

He has no real ambitions, no real goals traps outside and plays games inside but yet she still sees potential in him and the potential compels her to stick with him. To the point where simple things becomes a huge glimmer of hope. Like him taking out the trash, paying for dinner, texting her first or even him going down on her without her asking. It gives her hope until eventually he goes back to old habits and the cycle continues.

He Hurts Her

Why Does She Stay?

Why does she stay even when he harms her? He strikes her during arguments. Choking her and grabbing her when he loses his temper. He apologizes afterwards often blaming it on him being bi-polar. After the fights they make up then the next day she see’s her friends, hiding bruises from family and friends. And the ones she can’t hide she lies about. Saying she hurt herself at work and she’ll be ok. He gets drunk yells at her. Demeans her and shames her. Telling her she won’t be anything without him. Telling her she won’t leave him while she’s drenched in tears. She thinks his abuse is a form of love. A form of attention.

Besides a short night of intercourse it’s the only attention she gets anymore. Yet she still stays. When things get too crazy she throws him out or calls the police screaming “she’s done!” She tells her friends and they roll their eyes but still gives her encouragement. In a weeks time he eventually moves back apologizing and telling her he loves her and he misses her and the cycle continues.

She Has To Always Compete

Why Does She Stay?

Why does she stay when she has to compete with other women? He likes their pictures on Instagram, and other social media. He talk to them on the phone in her presence. He sends naked pics on his phone and receives them. He walks down the block with her and women waves and hugs already knowing who he is. He tells her he doesn’t fuck with his baby mom anymore and ensures her that she has nothing to worry about.

He comes home late smelling like perfume telling her he was with his boys. She takes his phone and finds messages. Asking who is Keke, who is Brianna, Who is Ashley? She beats him up breaks his phone and cries but she stays. She doesn’t want to lose him. She doesn’t want to build him up just for another bitch to reap the rewards. Eventually she forgives him and even buys him a new phone, and the cycle continues.

He Controls

Why Does She Stay?

Why does she stay even though despite his cheating she can’t have any guys friends. Or even hang with friends at all. He sees her as his property and isolates her away from everyone even family. He tells her he’s the only one she needs. That he is the only who really loves her. That he’s the only one that cares. He pits her against her friends telling her that she needs to choose. Messaging her guy friends threating to harm them if they keep contacting her.

Constantly asking where she is. Monitoring her at every turn. She can’t go to parties or events unless he knows exactly where it is at. She see’s this as him caring and it low-key makes her happy. Even though despite that she still has a secret guy friend that she vents to. And occasionally fucks as a way to secretly get back at him and he’ll never know but at the end of the night she lays with him and the cycle continues.

Better Options

Why Does She Stay?

Why does she stay when she knows there are better options. A better future. Many men comes at her. Men with good jobs and careers. Men with goals and ambition. The friend she vents to as he watches afar knowing what she goes through begging her to leave him and give him a shot. Even her boyfriend’s friends unbeknownst to him tells her to leave him and get with them. However she blows them all off.

She’s afraid to leave. She’s afraid to start over. All her effort to fix him will go to waste. Would if these guys are just the same as him? Would if all men are just the same? Would if this relationship that everyone tells her is toxic is normal? Would if it’s her fault that the relationship is like this. Due to her low self-esteem she blames herself. She tells herself he cheats because of her, he beats her because of her. And if he ever leaves her it will be because of her. She cries every night next to him whispering to herself. “Why Do I Stay.” And the same cycle continues. –LoveIsConfusing.

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