Lifestyle

When it comes to love and relationships marriage is usually seen as the end-goal. The way to solidify your commitment to each other. Whether it’s through cultural tradition, religious reasons, or societal norms. Marriage is expected through both parties man and woman. However in 2019 things are changing. People are marrying less and marrying later.The marriage rate has been on a steady decline since 1970. People are becoming more and more open to cohabitation with one another Especially among men. Why are some men afraid to go through with marriage? Well I’ll attempt to explain it.

Note Before You Read: This article is not me telling you whether you should get married or not. Or if I personally agree with it. If you both love each other do what’s best for you two. <3 I’m just telling you what goes on in Mens heads…Thank you, Enjoy.

More Responsibility/Pressure

The title of Husband alone bears responsibility. There are also more expectations in a marriage. In a Marriage there is seemingly more pressure. Not just from his Wife, But also from his family and also her family. When it comes to social norms and traditional family structure. The man is expected to be the provider. He is expected to be the protecter. He is the head of the family. If everythings falls everyone looks at him. Of course in a regular relationship these are expectations as well. But if there is too much pressure on him. He always has the option to walk away from the relationship with no penalties.

Once he signs the marriage contract. It’s alot more difficult for him to leave. Once commited he has to honor that responsibility. Alot of men may not be ready for that at that stage of their life. Especially with younger men. It’s hard for them to commit at such a young age. As I said before there is outside pressure. There is now a spotlight on him. The father that walked his daughter down the aisle is expecting her husband to protect and take care of her. His mother is making sure he does the right thing. Everyone is watching him now compared to when he was just dating.

It’s like if you are planning to hang out with your friends. If you tell them you “might be there”. It’s easy for you to change your mind once that day comes since you don’t have to be committed to it. But if you say you definitely will be there 100%. When that day comes. Because you commited to it. It’s more pressure and it’s more of a responsibility on you to meet them there.

Marriage Among Men Has A Negative Connotation

Friends And Family Influence

When a woman gets engaged she shows her ring to all her friends they jump up and down getting all hype. She may share the news on social media and get showered with congrats and a bunch of postive feedback. Especially if her family and friends likes the guy. A guy gets engaged he gets his congrats too.

But among his circle of male friends and even male family members. The energy may be different. They may even have light-hearted jokes for him. ” Haha You finally surrendered.” “Haha she got you by the balls now.” “Haha I never thought you’d be out the game.” Some may even have concerns asking him if this is really what he wants to do. He may even have a married friend or relative. Tell him how bad their marriage is. And tell him that either he shouldn’t get married or that he should wait.

Marriage Horror Stories

There are so many horror stories when it comes to marriage from both men and women. I hear about them all the time whether it’s from family, friends and even people at work. However I say the media people scares men the most. When a man checks his phone and sees that a male celebrity or male athlete gets divorced and loses custody of his kids and loses alot of his assets. It worries him.

Even if he isn’t a millionare or billionare he still doesn’t want to take that risk of getting a divorce(more on that later) When he hears stories from men on the the internet sharing stories of how their wives divorced them and “took” everything. It makes them see marriage as a bad thing. Especially if they come from environments or were raised in a household/family where “Broken Homes” are the norm.

Marriage Can Be Very Expensive

They say love don’t cost a thing. That love is priceless. Well the Average cost of a wedding in 2018 clocked in a $44,000. That’s a pretty hefty price tag on love. However I won’t be disingenuous. The man isn’t supposed to pay for all of that. The wedding traditionally is payed for by the brides father and family and the man pays for the ring, the wedding dress and of course the honeymoon. Now do you remember what I said about pressure?

If you’re not financially secure as a man that could bother you. A ring is supposed to be what, 2 months salary? He may not be able to get her the ring she wants. There may be expectations that he can’t meet. Even if he is dealing with a female that understands. He may still be afraid to pop the question until he is in a better place financially. He doesn’t want her family and friends laughing at his ring or even his wife being silently dissapointed in it.

Alot of women has been dreaming about their wedding since they saw their first disney movie. They already in their head know exactly in detail how it’s going to go Whether it’s a big wedding or a small one. And its likely going to be a big one. So what happens when it isn’t a traditional wedding and her family can’t cover the cost of the wedding. The responsibility falls on him. If he can’t give her the wedding of her dreams. Again, it’s going to bother him. He doesn’t want to be looked at as cheap or broke. Also men as a whole and women as a whole doesn’t look at weddings the same way. Not saying that men doesn’t like weddings. But I’m sure they would rather use the $44,000 for other things such as a downpayment on a house getting a a vehicle or just saving that money for a rainy day.

They Are Afraid Of Divorce

I’ve mentioned how Marriage has such a negative connotation attached to it among men. I’ve mentioned the horror stories. Alot of the horror stories revolves around the word “Divorce”. A lot of men will tell you that they aren’t afraid of commitment….

They are actually afraid of getting a divorce. According to Divorce Statistics 41% of all marriages end in divorce. So I can see the concern. You don’t want to break the bank for marriage and a wedding just for it not to work at the end. Divorce isn’t free either. Men see divorce as a huge risk they would rather not take. I myself didn’t even know that the average marriage in the US lasts about 8.2 years. That’s not even a decade.

It’s not just simply divorce that they fear though. It’s the effect of divorce. A lot of men are afraid to lose their assets or even lose their family in an event of a divorce. I think what makes us even more afraid is when we see horror stories of celebrities or Athletes. Where they will marry these women. The women will file for Irreconcilable differences, divorce them and “take everything but the kitchen sink.” And now they are paying thousands of dollars in child support and also alimony finacing her lifestyle though there aren’t together anymore. It also doesn’t help that according to Divorce Statistics women initiate 66%-75% of divorces. Of course there are prenuptial agreements but even those aren’t exactly iron clad.

However I see celebrities and athletes as “rich people problems”. Their marriages aren’t exactly built to last. Also most men aren’t millionares or billionaires either. The issues I see alot of regular men have with divorce is the courts. They feel as though the court system is skewed towards women. They are afraid that if they do get divorced family court will take their children from them and there is nothing they will be able to do about it. I’ved talked to a lot of men and they don’t trust the court system at all they are afraid of getting in their words “divorce-raped.”

They Feel Like They Don’t Need Marriage To Love Their Partner

There are some men who feel as though they don’t need to marry to prove their love or commitment. I’ve heard men refer to marriage as a scam, a piece of paper or just simply a “corporate merger” of two individuals. They don’t think that marriage actually benefits them at all and prefers the flexibility of a regular relationship. They don’t see the point of paying for a wedding and everything that may come with it if they don’t have to. Or if it doesn’t last. They don’t want to take on the risk. They feel as though if it’s true love then why does she need a marrige to validify it?

In Conclusion

But those are the reasons why men may be afraid of marriage. This article will probably be controversial because it’s 2019….everything is controversial…..But Like, Comment, Share and Subscribe and remember “Love Is Confusing But We’ll Get Through It Together.”

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Many of you may be in relationships right now. Some in new relationships. Some in long relationships. Some of you may even be married. However, all of you want to be loved. You want to be loved by the man that hopefully you’ll spend your whole life with. So how do you know that he truly loves you? Is he just saying it to get what he wants from you. How can you be sure that his love is indeed genuine and that there is no ulterior motive?

Men can be pretty hard to read sometimes. The “stereotypical” man usually isn’t as emotional as our better half. We aren’t as in touch with our feelings. We aren’t as affectionate as women. It may even take awhile for us to truly open up to you. To be honest, some men may not even know if they truly love you or not. Alot of men especially young men tends to confuse love with sexual attraction. And there is a Difference Between Love And Sex.But today I will tell you how to know if your man Truly loves you.

Sidenote- I am not talking about about FALLING IN LOVE or BEING IN LOVE. My opinions on that are in another article. “Why Falling In Love Isn’t Always A Good Thing”

Your Man Is Loyal

Love Is Loyalty, Compromise And Sacrifice. Contrary to popular belief. Loyalty isn’t being someone’s lap dog, footstool or puppet. Loyalty is being firmly by someone’s side when you have NOTHING to gain from it. Which is why true love is unconditional. A man that’s only with you for convenience is not loyal. A man that’s only with you so he can fuck is not loyal. A man that’s only with you to show off to his friends and family is not loyal.

A loyal man isn’t going to leave you high and dry if you gain a little weight or if you develop stretch marks. He is going to be with you through the good times and the bad times. The tough times in your relationship will prove his loyalty to you. How does he respond on “rainy days”. If you get into an argument is he already looking to leave the relationship? Do you catch him conversing with other females? Or interacting with other females online.

A loyal man isn’t going to abandon you at your worst. Or put you down. He is going to empower you to get back to being your best. He’s going to protect you and be your shield in times of adversity.

He Makes You A Priority

A man that loves you. Will make you a priority in his life. However I want to note that I’m not saying he’s supposed to be obsessed with you. Love And Obsession are not the same thing. A man that prioritizes you will understand balance as in balancing his time with you, his friends, family and his job. He will make time for you. Whether it’s a long distance relationship or a relationship where you both sleep in the same bed. There won’t be days where you don’t hear from him unless of course it’s an emergency.

Love is compromise. Even if he is busy, he will find a way to work things out. If he works 7 days straight he will find time to link up with you. If he’s away and can’t see you. He’ll videochat you. If he can’t do that at the very least he’ll text you to let you know that he’s okay and that he was thinking of you. Shit, even if a man doesn’t have a phone if he really loves you he WILL find a way to contact you. Trust me.

Your Pain Is His Pain

A man that truly loves you is going to have a deep connection with you. So much that your pain will be his pain. He will never hurt you intentionally. A man that loves you will never assault you. He will won’t belittle you. He will not verbally tear you down. He will not try to manipulate you. He will respect you. He won’t do things that will cause you pain. Because if you hurt he will hurt as well.

If you are hurt he will do everything in his power to heal the pain. Whether it’s physical emotional or spiritual. He will truly listen to your problems. If you had a horrible day at work he’ll listen to you vent and comfort you. If you’re sore he will offer a massage. He will also take your concerns and opinions seriously. He won’t just disregard them. Or get annoyed at them. He will want to know how you both can work together to make things work.

His Actions Mirrors His Words

“Love Has Hands And Feet.” Is a saying my mother used to always say.

If you want to know if your man loves you. Watch his actions. If a man yells “I love you!” and his actions doesn’t prove it. Is he really making a sound? Probably not. He won’t play games with you saying one thing and doing another. He will value honesty and integrity at least when it comes to you. He doesn’t need to boast about the things he does he will just do them.

He won’t do things for you in exchange for favors. He will do them because he wants to. Because he wants to see you happy. When he makes promises he does his absolute best to keep them. He Will Say “I Love You” Without Even Saying The Words. You will see that by how he supports you during tough times. How he listens to you. How he goes out of his way to please you. How he shows you affection and lastly how he makes time for you. If a man truly loves you he will show it.

He Sacrifices For You

Love is Sacrifice. You will know if your man loves you. If you get to a point in your relationship where he has to, or chooses to sacrifice something to save the relationship or to make you happy. Time, Money, and Personal Goals. In a relationship, some of these things may be sacrificed for the good of a relationship.

Even if it’s little sacrifices. Like turning the football game off to talk to you. Telling his friends “maybe next week guys” so that he can spend a little more time with you. Or sleeping with you without any blankets on, freezing because women love to steal them in the middle of sleep. The beauty of it is. If he truly loves you. You don’t have to fight with him to make these sacrifices. A Lot of the time men will just do it. Because we genuinely want to make you happy.

Like, Share and Subscribe and remember, “Love Is Confusing But We’ll Get Through It Together.” Peace

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In my last article I talked about the 7 Signs Of A Dead Relationship. You might be in a relationship and realized that maybe it’s reached its end. You might feel as though you aren’t happy. That you’re not getting what you want out of the relationship. Or maybe you feel as though your partner has mentally and emotionally “checked out” of the relationship. And you see the writing on the wall.
Despite this, maybe you really care about your partner and you still have faith in the relationship. You still think the relationship is worth saving. You put years into it and you don’t want it to end. Can a dead relationship really be revived. I believe so. However it takes a joint effort from parties for it to work. But without further ado I present

Remember Why You Love Them

Sometimes you have to take a step back and remember why you fell for them in the first place. Remember what that initial spark was that started your relationship in the first place. If you can remember that spark then maybe you can use that spark to rekindle that fire in your relationship. Maybe you feel in love with her passion, her strength, her perseverance, her inner and outer beauty.

Maybe you fell in love with his personality. He makes you laugh. He makes you feel secure and protected. He provides for you. Sometimes those traits are still there. And maybe we begin to take them for granted through the course of a long relationship. But if you can remember what made you date them in the first place maybe I couple be the first step to reviving the relationship.

Kick Toxic Influencers Out Of Your Relationship

Even though everything begins and ends with you and your partner. Sometimes there can be outside forces influencing your relationship. I wrote in a previous article about how you should Keep People Out Of Your Relationship and I still stand by it. If you want to leave make sure it’s what YOU want to do. Rather than what your best friends, parents, or in-laws want you to do.
Also if there are any outside toxic people in your life you may want to cut them out to save your relationship. Maybe your boys (particularly the single ones) are always trying to influence you to cheat when you go out with them and trying to clown you for being in a relationship. Maybe as a woman you may have that jealous “men aint shit” girlfriend who is always trying to convince you to leave your man. Or always finds fault in him.
Nobody in your circle knows your partner better than you. So it’s best to get outside influences out of your relationship on your side and also your partner’s side of course that’s easier said than done but if you both could agree on that. Without anyone in any of your ears it would be another good step to reviving your relationship

Talk About It And Be Truthful To Each Other

Now that the negativity influences are hopefully gone. Now both of you can open dialogue with one another. Sometimes the other person doesn’t even know what they’re doing wrong or even acknowledges that their relationship is dying. You should be honest with them and tell them your concerns. Why you aren’t happy anymore. What do you want to change. Even let them know that you love them but you are willing to walk away if things don’t change.
However it’s best to have this conversation when you are both relaxed if possible. You don’t want to do this when one of you has an attitude or this conversation is just going to be an argument. But you should make sure that this relationship is something that you BOTH want and is something that you can both agree to work on.

Listen To Them

Of course when you talk there will be a lot of finger pointing. Who’s doing what and who isn’t doing what. You may want to voice all your concerns but it’s good to listen to theirs as well. Reviving your relationship takes both of you. So it’s good to listen to their side as well rather than overtalking them or forcing demands on them.

Love is Loyalty, Sacrifice and Compromise. If you truly want to revive your relationship Compromising and Sacrificing are the two things that have to be there. Loyalty should already be there. Of course the same applies to your partner. If you listen maybe you’ll find some truth in what they say. Maybe you are a little too nagging. Maybe you really aren’t giving her the affection or attention she deserves. Sometimes a little self accountability can revive a dead relationship.

Show Them How Much You Want This To Last

Now it’s one thing to talk the talk and have this emotional conversation where you both agree to compromise to revive the relationship. It’s a whole other thing to actually show it. Actions speak a lot louder than words can. You both have to put in the work and effort. It may not happen overnight but there has to be visible progress.

If he says he’s cutting off Fatima. Fatima better not be in his phone or on any of his social media. If she says she is going to stop being hot-headed when ever she doesn’t get her way. You hold her to that. You have to show them how much you actually want them. If they see with their own eyes that things are actually changing. It could take your relationship back to how it used to be or even better it could breath a whole new life into it. You could both gain a whole new appreciation for each other

Learn To Change Things Up

Sometimes you may feel like your relationship is dying but there is no real reason. Things are going smoothly but there is just no excitement. Maybe you got to the point in your relationship where everything is very routine. You both do the same thing everyday. You both work come home talk about your days. Eat dinner. Have sex. You do the same sex routines every night and you go to sleep. And you follow that pattern every day.
Changing things up from time to time could possibly breath new life in your relationship. If you usually get take out. Cook dinner. If you usually cook dinner then dress up and go out on a nice fancy dinner date. Try something that’s out of both of your comfort zones. Develop new mutual interests. Something that could bring you closer together. Speaking of bringing you closer together you can think of new sex ideas. Something that could spice up your sex life. It’s very important to change things up. Especially nowadays where us people especially millennials. Have such short attention spans and get bored so easily.

Take A Break

When everything else fails and you really really still want to make things work. As a last resort you and your partner taking a break can help.

Now personally I don’t believe in “Breaks”. Either we are together or we aren’t. I will admit however that getting some space from someone will do either do two things. Either you will miss them appreciating all the things that maybe you didn’t appreciate before which will bring you closer or you will get used to not being around them or even happy and you’ll grow apart either further.

I believe using a break as a last resort will provide clarity. Either you two will miss each other and jump back into each other’s arms or it will validify that the relationship is truly and both of you can move on with your lives.

Like, Share and Subscribe and remember “Love Is Confusing But We’ll Get Through It Together” Peace

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