LoveIsConfusing

"Love Is LOYALTY, SACRIFICE and COMPROMISE."

Love

Unconditional Love: Do We Really Love Our Partners For Who They Are?

Are we able to love

Unconditional Love. What does that mean to you? Is it someone accepting you for all your flaws. Is it someone simply accepting you for who you are as a person? Despite your various individual beliefs and ideologies that you may have. Or is it someone who doesn’t know and doesn’t care about your flaws or beliefs but still wants to sweep you off your feet regardless? Most of us yearn for that unconditional love. We are sold on the concept of finding someone that will love us for who we are. And if we don’t get that from our partner. Then we move on from them and search for someone that will possibly give us that. We are at an early age exposed to certain media and what I like to call the Disney programming. Whereas children we are to conditioned to believe that no matter who are or what we do. There will always be someone to sweep us off our feet and love us. Now am I saying that unconditional love doesn’t exist? No but I believe things are more complex than that. So let’s break things down shall we?

Love From Parents

Family love

For most our first experience of unconditional love comes from our parents. They feed us, nurture us, teach us and clean up our shit and I mean that quite literally. They don’t ask for anything in return. There are usually no conditions for this love and nurturing. You aren’t going to have a temper tantrum and throw juice at your parents as a toddler and your parents respond by giving you away to someone else. Your aren’t going to argue with your parents, going through that “rebellious” stage as a teenager and then come in the house and see a strange person in your room and your parents tell you that you’ve been replace because they can’t deal with you anymore. There is special bond between parents/guardians and their children that you most likely won’t get anywhere else.

Where The Confusion Comes In

black couple

When you combine the unconditional love you get from your parents and the illusion of unconditional love you see from various media outlets. That is where the confusion comes in. You start expecting that from not just people in your life like friends but you definitely expect it from the partner you are searching for. Which usually leaves people very shocked and disappointed when they can’t find it. So I will say this which may be seen as controversial but the love and rapport that you have with your parent or parents is different than the love you will get from your significant other. Now am I saying that the bond you have with your significant other can’t grow to be stronger than your parental bonds? No, however the two bonds will always be different.

There are men who will come in relationships with woman and expect to have that same rapport that they have with their parents. Where they can do what they want and the woman will still be there and still love them “unconditionally” and when she leaves him or replaces him he loses his mind. There are woman who come into relationships with a man and expects him like her father to protect her, provide for her and be her shoulder to cry on “unconditionally” and when he cheats, leaves or replaces her she also loses her mind. She loses her mind because her father would never do that, that Prince in those Disney movies she grew up on would never do that. The man thinks the same thing. He thinks subconsciously that he may have given his mother a hard time but she would never leave him or replace him. And that is where the confusion lies.

Unconditional Love

 

So I’ve touched on parental love but what about love between two significant others, can that be unconditional? Yes, but I believe it takes time for that to develop. The biggest lie that you can tell yourself is that someone is going to right of the bat love you for who you are. I wrote an article in the past where I explained why I don’t believe in Love At First Sight. And one of my points was that it usually starts off superficial. We focus on looks, beauty, how much they make, where they work. How big her titties and ass are. How big is his dick, how good is the sex. Even if you say that I don’t care about all that. “I only judge off of their personality or character.” That is still a “condition”. If you no longer like their personality or if their character suddenly changes will you still be there to love them the same? However I do believe over time that you can build towards loving someone unconditional.

Now let me be clear I don’t mean someone that gets verbally or physically abused by their partner and keeps going back because they “love” them. No I mean someone in a functional relationship that understands their partner’s flaws and has over time maybe seen their partner’s personality evolve or their ideologies change and even though they may not wholeheartedly agree they still love them are loyal to them. Because you know people tend to change over time. Things may start out from a superficial perspective but over time and struggles you strengthen your bonds. For example at the start of the relationship or even if you just started dating, if your partner did something embarrassing like fart or something in front of you. You might be questioning the relationship. Or even making it official with them. Now five years later in a functional relationship you do it right next to your partner in bed y’all probably laugh and joke about it and nobody thinks nothing more about it.

Even on a more serious note say your married and on year 12 of a functional relationship. You’re partner gets caught in a bad fire they survive but it burns most of their body, they have scares. Now they may be insecure about the scares but you’ve built up that unconditional love over the years so it’s almost like you don’t even see the scars. You don’t see any imperfections you truly love them for they are. However 12 years ago if you were to run into that person you may not have even dated them or married them in the first place. Year one or year two if that had happened you may have just self-destructed the relationship, because you hadn’t yet built up to loving them unconditionally yet.

if that had happened you may have just self-destructed the relationship, because you hadn’t yet built up to loving them  yet.

In Conclusion

One of the major components of Love and Unconditional love is loyalty. Loyalty is being by someone side even though you have nothing to gain from it. Everyone doesn’t have that quality nor is everyone willing to develop those qualities. The lack of attention spans combined with the increase of options due to social media and increased popularity of dating apps makes everyone very disposable. No one has to work on loyalty cause if someone does something they don’t like they can get someone else. So when choosing your partner unconditional love isn’t something I would look for initially however loyalty from your partner is the key trait you should be searching for. If real loyalty is apart of them than unconditional love will develop overtime.

Like, Share and Subscribe and remember, “Love Is Loyalty, Sacrifice, Compromise”

 

 

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7 Healthy Ways A Woman Shows Her Love


If you have ever wondered if the woman you’ve been dating truly loves you then after reading this article you won’t question if he loves you anymore.

Throughout history, the topic of love has been written in books, poetry, songs, and displayed in movies. Love is a universal topic that we all can’t help but discuss and yearn for.

It all started when you laid eyes on each other. Those butterflies you felt in the pit of your stomach. You licked your lips as she smiled at you and coiled her hair around her finger. You both adjusted your schedules week by week because you both yearned to be around each other more and more every day.

As you wait for that epic-heart-racing moment when you both would tell each other you loved one another. I want to share with you 7 healthy ways a woman shows her love:

  1. She expresses her love to you verbally

Sometimes you just have to hear those three words, “I love you”. There is nothing sexier than a woman who can be vocal about how much she loves and appreciates her man. She isn’t afraid to flaunt you around to her family and friends. She takes pride in you being her man. That is a wonderful way to show appreciation and stroke your ego in a loving way.

2. She wants to spend time with you


When your woman loves you she wants to spend time with you. She wants to get to know you more. She wants to create memories with you. Time is precious and a woman might take on a lot on her plate: kids, career, running a household, and herself. When she loves you she will find the time to spend with you.

3. She listens to you


When a woman loves you she will listen to you. In American-society (especially black women), women get a bad rap for not listening to her man. Yes, some women have poor listening skills. So they’ll miss the point you’re making because they’re thinking about how they’re going to respond to you while you’re talking.

The majority of the time when a woman loves you her intention isn’t for selfish reasons. She cares and is concerned about you – so she will listen to you to her best ability.

4. She is loyal to you


Every relationship requires trust. When she decides you are the only one for her in her life it is because she loves you.

5. Constant affection


Besides an increase in bedroom, your woman might want to be around you more. Touch you more when you are alone or in private. Flirty touch throughout the day signals desire. She might rub or grab you by the arm. Place her hand on your chest. These are ways women flirt with a man to signal to them that they desire them.

6. Respects your beliefs and views on life


When a woman loves you she respects your personal beliefs and views on life. Some women agree to make your beliefs theirs and the family you both create. That is also a personal choice of hers. Even if she doesn’t make it her own, she loves you enough to understand who you are.

7. She supports you in all that you do


Whether it is your fantasy baseball team or it is your janitorial career. She will support you in all that you do.

If you can take one thing away from this entire article please take this – there is a difference between loving someone unconditionally rather then with conditions.

True love is unconditional. You are worthy of love, not based on what you possess or your status in the world based on others. You are worthy of love because you are love. From king to peasant, we all deserve love.

Don’t anyone, including yourself, make you feel like you’re unworthy of love. Love is not an energy that is determined by money, possessions, or popularity.

My name is Siedah and I am an author of “I Am Love”, self-love advocate, and mom. After experiencing a personal spiritual transformation, I share my story and consult with those on their own self-love journey. You can read more WWW.IAMLOVEXO.COM

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4 Ways To KEEP A Man Happy.

Fours ways to keep a man happy? Cmon, Men are simple creatures. Just give us good sex, good food, no nagging and a little bit of space from time to time………Thats it. Article over thanks for reading! 🙂 Subscribe!……

Fineeeee. I won’t do that to you all. Men are indeed more complex than that. Not as complex as Women though.(Still can’t figure you out ugh) Also I suggest reading my latest Article “What Is A Man: 5 Traits of a Real Man.” These are the kind of Men I’m talking about.

Be Supportive Of His Down Time.

When a man is bored typically he’ll play the video game. Watch the football game or basketball games or go hang out with his boys. You know, guy stuff. That’s our down time. That’s our time to chill. And that time may intertwine with the time when you want attention from us. It may make you mad or annoy you. It may even seem like we are ignoring you. Or not taking you serious at the moment. But you have to understand. (And again im talking about Men not boys.)

Sometimes we just have alot of stress and need to detox for a few hours. And yeah I get it ladies. We do have the option of going to you and just venting out our problems. But sometimes we just don’t want to talk at the moment and just want escape for a little bit. We might be mentally exhasted. We may work long hours. Or just have to deal with alot of bullshit during the week. And yes I know so do you.

Do you know the feeling you get after a long ass day. When you can finally take your bra off and throw it somewhere and sit down and drink a glass of wine…..That’s how we feel when we get in the house and pop in Call of Duty or turn on the Lakers game. You should be supportive of his down time. Let him breath a little bit. Then when he’s done “decompressing.” I’m sure you’ll get his full attention.

Show Him That You Appreciate Him.

Guys love it when their woman does something that shows her appreciation for him……the difference between a man and a woman is how we will react. You buy a woman flowers and a gift or do something amazing for her that she never seen coming. She may cry and she’ll be glowing and smiling for a week. You do something similar for a man. He’s like “thanks babe” all dry. He’ll probably crack a smile and…that’s it.

No tears, glow or nothing. But what you don’t know is the whole time we’re giggling like school girls and probably blushing on the inside. But we won’t let you know that. Why? Cause we are weird like. That’s all you need to know! The crazy thing is. Whenever we do hang around our male friends we’ll bring it up. Bragging about what you did for us.

All jokes aside we really do love it when we feel appreciated. Even down to the very small things. Like when your woman start “stealing” your slang or wearing(stealing) our t-shirts or hoodies. Or even posting about us on social media. Y’all really don’t know how much the little things you do mean to us.

And it’s men’s fault cause alot of times we act like it’s not a big deal when we know it is. We have alot of pride and we need to work on that. But trust me showing your man how much he’s appreciated will keep him happy for sure.

Make Him Feel Important.

As a man we want to feel important in your life. We don’t want to feel like we’re just……there. We want to feel like we have a purpose. So even though you may not always need us. *SHOUT OUT TO THE INDEPENDENT WOMEN!* We are still gonna bring heavy grocery bags in the house for you, hold doors for you, offer to pay the check on dates and offer head without you asking. Please let us do that. A mans happiness in a relationship should be from making his woman happy and of course vice versa.

Another thing that guys probably won’t tell you or admit to is that we low-key love it when a women puts us on to new things. If you’re cooking dinner and your man doesn’t know how to cook. Bring him in the kitchen. Have him help you cook. Have him cut up something. Or stir something add a little seasoning(make sure he put too much lol) and motivate him and encourage him the whole time like its a big accomplishment because of course us men can be big babies and we need it. He’ll feel like he’s helping you out and will be happy because of that.

Sex…..

I mean did you really think this wasn’t going come up. Yes it’s very important to us and it does keep us happy….very happy. But that’s really no surprise at all. A couple that has sex regularly will be alot happier then a couple that doesn’t. That’s facts. As men we may not tell you be we love the flirting the foreplay and most importantly we love suprises.

I’m not saying you have to be the freakiest person in the world. But we love that spontaneous shit. Head without asking for it. Coming home after a long day and you laying in the bed with lingerie.(well we don’t care for the lingerie we going to it off anyway but we appreciate the effort) And like I said earlier men lowkey love being put on to new things.

Try out new positions or new locations. Hell if you can find out something sexual he’s never done before and surprise him.(nothing toooo crazy though) Shoot he might be the one “Glowing” the very next morning. But things like that will definitely keep your man happy.

In Conclusion

I still think Men are pretty simple. But we do have our weird little quirks. And if you like this Article. Also check out “4 ways to keep her happy.” Whether is Men or Women the goal of a relationship is always to keep eachother happy. There may be arguments, drama and “beef” from time to time. But at the end of the day you are both a team. A relationship is both parties sacrificing to make the relationship the best partnership it can be. Like, Share and Subscribe and remember “Love Is Confusing But We’ll Get Through It Together”.

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The Importantance Of Showing Affection

There’s something that’s very very important. It’s something that most men downplay a lot. In the past me myself has always downplayed it. What is this thing? Well it’s called affection. What is affection? Well according to the Urban Dictionary. “Affection is a physical way of showing just how much you love someone. Its a fondness that consumes you. Wanting to touch, tickle, kiss, hug, or hold.”

I was never big on affection. It just simply wasn’t my thing. Looking back at my childhood I just never really had an affectionate relationship with my parents and I guess it trickled down to my love life. In my earlier serious relationships.

I hated cuddling. Hated holding hands. Didn’t really like kissing or making out. I only really did it when it was initiated by my girlfriend orrrr when we were engaging in sexual activity. That was the only time I was actually willingly affectionate. But I never thought much about it. Or even considered it as an issue. That was just the way I was.

However things went south with her eventually. And I was with a new girlfriend. This was the relationship that made me realized how bad my lack of affection was. Because she demanded affection. She was the type that always needed to be held and be up under her man.

She loved cuddling holding hands all that mushy stuff that I hated. And half heartedly I tried it but quickly I got annoyed by her. I felt smothered and I started pushing her away. It just made me feel uncomfortable it just wasn’t something I was used to. I just seen her as clingy and needy and it made the relationship difficult. However I still didn’t think of it as an issue. I just felt I wasn’t that type of guy.

However it was something that she noticed. Whenever she actually got me to show affection to her it would lead directly to sex. If we were cuddling it would quickly lead to sex. Shoulder rubs, Massages, Kissing, hugging, etc we were fucking. I thought everything was good until she hit me with the “We need to talk.”

She invited me over she told me she didn’t think we were bonding enough. And that she felt as though she wasn’t getting the affection she needed from me. She told me that we should take a break on having sex and work on building a bond. I didn’t like that of course. I objected heavily.

I still didn’t see an issue with my actions. I just felt she was extremely clingy and over emotional and that she was overreacting. We argued about it for a few days and then she gave me an ultimatum. Which was basically lets try this shit out or we breaking up. Ok Fine. I decided to try it out with her. The first week was weird but I thought about what she said and that’s when I realized I had an issue.

And I started being more open emotionally to her. And I had to learn how to be more affectionate. However in that month I can say we bonded more then we ever did before. It was great! And it got to the point where I was being affectionate because I wanted to be and not because it was demanded of me to be. We held hands in public. Whenever we met up the first thing I would do is kiss her to her surprise. When it came to cuddling or even massages I would initiate it. Eventually I got used to it and it became routine.

We became closer and more intimate then we ever been. It led to us falling in love with each other. And of course we eventually got back to having sex but that wasn’t the main focus of our relationship anymore. Its crazy though. Because I never realized how much it meant to her or how much it meant to women in the first place. Granted I was younger at time and way less mature than what I am now.

So if I could give advice to men in similar situations. If a women craves more affection. Don’t write her off as being clingy, annoying or whiny. Work with her. Its ok to be vulnerable sometimes. And to be completely honest. I feel as though if you feel like you can’t give her the affection she needs. Then it’s no need to waste her time because you may be not be able to handle it but there’s another man that will.

Like, Share and Subcribe and remember. “Love Is Confusing But We’ll Get Through It Together”

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What do women expect from their Man?

What do women expect

What do women expect from their man in a relationship? Is it love? Faithfulness? Respect? Great sex? I don’t have the answer to this question. However I asked multiple women and they happily gave me their responses. Hopefully you guys will take notes as you’re sipping your tea and more importantly I hope you enjoy. Thank you.

Shy Roper|Baker

“I don’t have really “expectations” when it comes to my significant other. Be loyal, trustworthy, show me you love me, be my shoulder to cry on when needed but be that pedestal when you know Ineed to be lifted.”

Mary Bullock|Graphic Designer

“Well I expect respect because I feel like respect is needed in any relationship, romantic or not. You don’t have to like me, but you will respect me so I could not be romantically involved in anyone who disrespect me. With respect comes honesty as well. Like if my partner cheats on me, I except for them to have enough respect for me to tell me so I can leave they ass 😂 If you respect me then even if we break up, we will be on good terms”

Lamira Newsome | Army Soldier

“I try to keep my expectations on a mutual level. Meaning, I expect the same kind of effort put in our relationship that he would expect of me. I expect him to communicate with me, rather than run from any confrontations or look to other females for attention. I expect him to treat me as his queen. If a man knows how to treat his mother and sister’s then he should know how to treat his significant other. It goes both ways though, but I expect him to have consistency. Of course I expect him to at least have some kind of financial stability and if he’s not there yet, then the motivation and determination to get to where he wants to be. I may not be where I want to be yet so I wouldn’t expect him to already be there but I do expect him to push himself as well as push me to be better, and vice versa. Us females tend to expect so much from males that we have to remind ourselves that we too have our faults. We too are finding ourselves. I don’t expect my man to be all the way there in life when I’m not even there, but I do expect him to at least be on the same level as me.”

Kemelto Nesbeth|Writer, Blogger

www.kemaltonesbeth.blogspot.com

“Upon entering a relationship I sometimes keep my expectations a bit low just to hold back on any potential “let down” though, there a few qualities I hope that man would have. Currently being in a well-developed relationship, I can say that I expect my man to uphold with the qualities that he has portrayed since the first day we met to the very first time we decided to hit it off as a couple. I expect my man to be nothing but himself, to be sincere to me and our relationship and to do his part in the relationship as it takes two to make a couple. I expect his loyalty and his honesty. I expect him to see me as his rock and a shoulder to cry on whenever he needs one and to not be afraid to show me his emotions. To conclude, all I expect from my man is his pure genuineness.”

Shemekka Ebony|Motivational Speaker, #IAmBrilliant

Iambrilliant.org

I expect consistent communication, reciprocity, released gender expectations, vulnerability, strength, and be the gift to heal me. Honestly, I had no expectations and was not lost or looking for a man to be in a relationship. I just described character traits of the King 👑 God sent to me to walk with.- @shemekkaebonycommunity

Brionna Edwards

“To be honest I expect what I give. What I mean by that I expect any man I date to be honest at all times even if the truth will hurt. I like to be spoiled by consistency a man that just does not because I need to tell him to or how to act. A romantic not oh let’s get high and smoke then talk can we talk while sober can he share his dreams with me open up to me and become just as vulnerable as I do for him? Most women want these things some want a guy who has it all etc. I don’t mind sticking by someone trying I want to be spoiled by having a connection outside of sex, weed or anything everyone does to open up. Can we just sit and talk about ourselves silly things our insecurities and reassure each other it’s all okay. I think for me being spoiled is having a man who doesn’t have a damaged masculinity.”

Ayanna Robinson

“The thing that I expect from my man in a relationship is HONESTY! Trust is like glass, very fragile and easy to break. What brothers need to realize is that women love HARD. You trust me and I trust you. You will be respected more if you just keep it 100. Two people cannot evolve together if the trust is not part of the equation.”

Jennifer Pompaski|Blogger, Writer

Kinginqueen.com

I have been out of the dating game for a long time now. Years to be precise. The decision to remain single for the time being was “prompted” by a harrowing experience akin to Tyler Perry’s movie, ACRIMONY.

The experience made me question a lot of things. Relationship wise, that is. When Xavier said, I should participate in this “round up”, I agreed because this question is essentially what I have given much thought to especially after my experience.

Now what do I expect from a man in a relationship?

First off, I want complete and total HONESTY. Oh yes, you got that right. I believe a lot of relationships these days are built on lies and social media and technology isn’t helping! From what went down with my Ex, he never wanted to marry me. He used the “give me some time” cliché to buy himself time. So definitely. I expect honesty from my man.

I expect the man to be the MAN. I was an emotional, physical and psychological blanket to my Ex, I was his neck, shoulder and his head. This may come across as funny or phony I know. Oh, hell some of you all are probably laughing and I wouldn’t blame you! I thought I was in love. In loving this guy, I lost myself! I became the man! Paying bills and doing all shit. Future husband, I expect you to be the MAN in the relationship. Thank you.

My man should also be able to take care of my NEEDS. Needs can range from emotional, physical (sexual and otherwise), financial and every other thing in between. I am the kind of woman who loves completely, body and soul, no holding back. I love with everything I have and I expect same from my man. He shouldn’t only be concerned about satisfaction in the “other room”, he should also be about satisfaction in the other rooms as well.

I expect a man to be able to handle his woman’s SUCCESS. I have noticed that a lot of men get threatened a lot by their lady’s success. This means that I expect a man to be CONFIDENT in himself and his capabilities as an individual.

Ashley Wolfe

“Well to be honest I want to treat him the way he wants me to treat him love respectful loyal faithful funny understanding fun.”

Keke Waldon|Author,Relationship/Fashion Blogger

https://kekethefuturewife.com/

www.misskeyzbeautyreview.com

“I would expect honesty first off. It’s important to be completely honest with your partner. I also expect to have great communication. When you are honest and can communicate effectively with your partner then it is easier to trust them because you have been honest and the lines of communication is open and real.”

Rosanna Lundberg|Blogger, Writer, Author

https://pinaygoaldigger.com/

I believe we should set expectations in a relationship. Because I don’t think expectation means being difficult or demanding. It only shows that you know who you are as a women, you know your worth and what you deserve. And we should never settle for less.

And here are the 5 vital expectations I settled before I decided to marry my man.

1. Loyalty – My husband said ” I will never lay my hands on you and I will never betray you” and I expect him to do so. LOYALTY and TRUST is a foundation of a strong and healthy relationship. If you can’t trust your man that he will be loyal to you, then it will jeopardize your relationship with him.

2. Time – as other says Time is Love, and so am I. I know my husband and I are both busy with our career, hobbies and sometimes with friends. But we make sure to give time for us, and we talk about it. It should never be an issue if you truly love someone.

3. Genuine Intimacy – This doesn’t mean always about sex, but it’s deeper and more meaningful than sex. It’s about exploring and knowing more each other. A simple date night, or a simple kiss good night are some examples of a pure intimacy that makes our relationship deeper and stronger.

4. Communication – A real conversation is vital in our relationship. We never want a silent treatment, we make sure to talk about our feelings and emotions. Conversation with sincere listening and understanding is what I expect with my man and that makes our relationship more intimate and genuine.

5. Respect- I believe RESPECT is one important thing that we should expect from our man. We all have differences, but your man should respect you as person and for who you are. I am from the Philippines, and my husband is American, we have culture differences, but we respect each other’s culture and all many other differences we have.

Above all, we women should also do the same to our man, to make the relationship healthy and balance.

Thank you and best of luck to the LOVE that you all deserve!

Simone Reyes

“What I’ll consider as being spoiled is listening, quality time and going on a date or two a week communicate responsive.”

Aamber Sanchez

“Many people have different motives for getting into relationships. I myself crave emotional, compassionate, and intellectual vibes from a man. Let’s set goals, empower one another, have deep conversations, and build a healthy relationship. I don’t expect anything more than loyalty, honesty, and trustworthiness. Some may find money and sex as the key to a relationship but really what is that offering the two of you? Money cannot buy happiness and one can have sex at any point of time. I hope that you all take into consideration the things I have written upon when getting into a new relationship or even in your current.”

 

In Conclusion 

I like to thank everyone who participated and gave responses. Every one of them were absolutely amazing. I enjoyed reading them. And was actually surprised by the responses. “Honesty” and “Respect” were two words that seemingly kept popping up. Both are extremely important. Loyalty was another word that popped up as well. So basically to summarize. Be honest with them, respect them and don’t be out here cheating and everything will be alright. Like, Share and subscribe.

Also if you enjoyed this also check out “how do women liked to be spoiled” and “how do men liked to be spoiled”

And for the men what do you expect out of woman in a relationship? Comment below and you’ll be featured in the next article like this. Thank you and remember. “Love is confusing but we’ll get through it together.” 

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