Break ups. It happens to all of us. Unless you meet the person of your dreams on the first try and now your happily married….lucky you. Or you never been in a relationship before….unlucky you? Whether you broke it off or they broke it off or it was mutually agreed upon. It can take a while to get over. Depending on how long you been with them and if you actually cared about them. But I will assume you did cause I’m gonna assume you are all good people.
It’s not easy. Alot of times its a process and sometimes people never recover from it. Break ups change people. I’ve seen it and experienced it myself but eventually you have to move on right? You can’t let that weight hold you down forever. You have to pick yourself up and dust yourself off. So without further ado I present you with four steps to get over a break up.
Step 1: Love yourself
First step is loving yourself. I won’t get too in depth since I already spoke on this in 3 steps to loving yourself. But I’ll paraphrase. You’re single now. If you haven’t already now is the perfect chance to do some self reflection. After you finish crying in the shower and binge eating your cookies and creme ice-cream. Or getting drunk with your boys to “kill” the pain. You got to put the spotlight on yourself now. What do I like? What do I enjoy?
Like seriously you may be single but you have to date yourself. You have a bunch of free time now. Go out do what you enjoy. Go shopping or something maybe you want to change your look. Change yourstyle. The key is though getting your identity back or getting one in the first place. You don’t want to be single but still carry that relationship mindset. Also you don’t want to date someone new and in your head you are still stuck in your last relationship. It will not go well for you at all.
Step 2: Get some distance from your ex
Well this step is optional actually. Because there are some people that can’t cut off their ex. They may have children with them. They may have friends that are friends with their ex or they may even LIVE with them. ( Isn’t that the worse?) Also they may agree to stay friends with them. Lastly it may depend on if you ended the relationship on good terms of bad terms.
Good Terms
Even if you ended on good terms sometimes you may have to take a break from that person. Especially if you were or is still in love with them. Seriously being in love with someone your friends with can be torture. That transition from relationship to friendship isn’t always easy. One day they are calling you babe and the next they are calling you by…..your actual name. I don’t know maybe it’s me but I feel as though thats so hard to get used to. Taking a step back from that person might be a positive thing until you feel as though you can be around them and everything feels “natural” as can possibly be. Who knows maybe that time apart can help both of you and somewhere down the road you can get back together. Wishful thinking right?
Bad Terms
Now if you ended on bad terms. I’m talking about bad as in you two are enemies at this point. You found them in bed with someone else or shoot maybe they found you in bed with someone else. (This tea is very good right now) You and them are not getting back to together or even being friends again. I guess you can say that its obvious you would want to cut that person off or erase them from your life right? Alot of people still keep their exs at arms reach. Whether its because they still love them. Or want to get back at them or even hell the sex between them might be good so their still keeping that “window” open.
They’ll still follow them on social media. Number still in their phone. Some people are petty they want their ex to see them doing well. They may be hurt or bitter so they are showing them on social media what they are missing. Faking like you are happy to get attention when you are still holding on to the person. I believe you should erase that person. It’s hard to get over someone if the first thing you see on your phone is them on facebook. If you broke up on bad terms they need to exit your life completely. Maybe down the line you can be friends with them and forgive them. But for now it’s your time.
Step 3: Stay Busy
Some people say it takes 21 days to break a habit. Some people say it takes 3 months. Regardless there are habits you are going to have to break after a break up. Depending on how long you been with the person you are accustomed to certain things. That sweet text in the morning, talking to them everyday, waking up with them, going to sleep with them, eating their cooking and their annoying snoring etc. And that’s just basic stuff. Those first three weeks will be hell. You are not going to know what to do with yourself. Me personally being with someone for 3 years and thats not even long compared to alot of people. I couldn’t even function my whole day revolved around her. First person I talked to and usually the last person as well.
It was a very difficult adjustment. I had to keep busy. Either that or sit around feeling sorry for myself. I created new habits. Discovered new hobbies. I was always doing something. Too much time on my hands were deadly. I tried to keep busy with positive hobbies as well. Worked out everyday. I like to write so I wrote often. Went out with friends. Enjoyed myself. The idea behind it was if I kept myself busy eventually the habits would fade away. It was similar to getting over an addiction. I don’t know if it was 21 days 3 months or whenever but the habits eventually faded. Not to say I got over her but I definitely got over all those habits that included her.
Now I know some people may be saying. Well thats running away from your problems. Or being scared to face them. I look at it like this. When you cut yourself. You hurt you feel that pain but you always feel the worse pain when you look at it. Once you clean it out and get a band aid and cover it up you feel less pain. Do you take off the band aid every five minutes to look at this cut? No you live your life you stay busy you sometimes forget the cut even exist then days later you notice your bandaid and you take it off and your cut is healed. Sometimes its good to keep your mind busy while your heart heals.
Step 4: Talk to other people
*This step is only to be taken after you followed all the previous steps.*
After you regained your identity. Possibly got some distance from your ex and got over your old relationship habits. Who’s to say that you have to be alone. Now while I don’t believe that you should just rush into a relationship. It’s nothing wrong with talking to someone. It’s nothing wrong with going out on dates or outings. Hey I’m going be honest sometimes the best way to get over someone is to talk to someone else. That companionship could be a good thing for you.
Loving Yourself
By learning to love yourself and regaining your identity after the break up. Not only will you know your worth but after self reflection you will identify the problems from your last relationship and it may be easier to point out red flags as you look for your next partner. Loving your self will aid you in learning how to love others and you will hold your next partner to a higher standard.
Gaining distance
Distancing yourself from your ex for a bit will help get your ex from dominanting your thoughts. You don’t want to be on a date. Or talking to someone and you subconsciously bring your ex with you. Always bringing them up in conversation. That’s a huge turnoff and could make that person fall back from you. Or going on a date with someone just to one up your ex. Taking pictures and posting it up so they can see it. It’s not fair to the other person for them to be apart of your game and only person that truly suffers is you.
Abadoning previous relationship habits
By getting over your relationship habits you don’t potentially bring it into the next one. You have to know your worth but you can’t bring expectations from your last relationship to the next one. You might have watched Game Of Thrones with your ex boyfriend 8:00 every thursday while getting a back massage. That’s doesn’t mean your next partner has to do it. Your ex girlfriend might run your bath water and prepare a mean 3 course dinner 9:00 every night after work. You might have to get used to take out or cooking yourself and using your legs to run your own bathwater.
Conclusion
In conclusion everyone is different and you don’t want to bring your old relationship into your potentially new one. You want a fresh start, a new beginning. Its tough getting over a relationship. Especially if you loved the person or the relationship ended badly. It’s alot easier said then done. It’s a mental and an emotional battle to say the least. Hopefully these steps will help aid you in getting over that relationship. You don’t want a failed relationship holding you back on life or even holding you back from that special someone. I hope you enjoyed this. Love to hear your comments. Like, Share and if you really like my content Subscribe your email below to be apart of my email list it would really help out and also you get notified everytime I post. Have a great day and remember, “Love Is Confusing But We’ll Get Through It Together.”
