Men and Women are we really that different? (Double Standards)

   Last time I wrote I spoke about stereotypes in relationships. This is part two of “Men and Women: Are we really that different? I suggest you take a look at that first if you have not already. https://loveisconfusing.com/2017/08/07/menwomen-are-we-really-that-different/. We’ll wait for you……..Okay there are things women can get away with that guys can’t get away with and vice versa. There are a bunch of them to be honest but I’ll try to talk about the ones that pertains to relationships and dating in general. I will list four double standards. Two for men and two for women but instead of proving them wrong I will expose the “hypocrisy” in them.

Double Standards

• Women can beat or assault a man. (Unprovoked)
• Men can talk to a bunch of women but women are labeled if they do.
• If a woman turns down a guy over looks its her preference. If a guy does he’s shallow, Judgmental
• Men can put their friends over woman but frowns on a woman for doing the same.

It’s okay for a woman to put her hands on a man.

   I wanted to talk about this one first since it’ll probably be the most controversial. This is mainly in a lot of young couples but sometimes there are a lot of play fighting. I see a lot of girls just hit guys a lot of the time unprovoked. Smacking, pushing and even punching guys. It be the short girls a lot of the time too.(Look at me using stereotypes..the irony) Its usually all fun and games until that guy retaliates. Now hey I’m not into any boy or man putting hands on any female. I grew up with all woman and I would go bananas if anyone harmed them but if she punches him the face and he decides to hit her back who’s the victim?

   I’ve even seen a man get physically abused in a relationship. It may sound funny or weird to hear but it does happen. If the guy didn’t do what his girlfriend wanted she would grip him up, smack him or punch him and at times throw things at him and belittle him. Through all this I have never seen him retaliate. He would sheepishly put his head down take it and apologize. Now they aren’t together any more which is good for him but what if he called the police? Would they take him seriously for getting beat up by a woman half his size? Probably not. Or worse would if he finally said enough is enough and retaliated. Where would he be now? I can answer that question. He would be either locked up and have an assault on his record or he could be dead or injured if she has brothers or a father that like me would go crazy if a female in my family was harmed. Crazy right? Just saying men can be a punching bag too.

Men can be players woman can’t

   I referenced this double standard in part one. As men we can talk to whoever we want, flirt with whoever we want and have sex with whoever we want and everything is cool. As a matter of fact we get pats on a back. High fives from the boys. Parades….well not parades but it damn sure feels like it. This double standard is so normal that even woman subconsciously abide by it. Lets say someone my age( I’m 24 by the way) is getting into some adult conversation with one another and she asks me what my “body count” is. By the way if I have to explain what a body count is you are too young for this blog. Shoo go away. Back to my example, now say that I tell her I have only slept with one woman. Instead of thinking the best she may think the worse. She may think i’m lame. Not sexually experienced enough. Not “packing.” In her head something has to be wrong and she may even lose a little interest. Even think back to high school or college you probably wanted that popular boy that talked to every girl. Don’t be lying……Woman like men that are liked by other women.(Say that 5 times fast) Its just the way it is.

   Now on the flip side if she says she slept with just 20 men i’m already labeling her. I’m already thinking she is a freak. Some guys might think she is a whore or that she is “easy.” It’s very unfair. A girl can be a virgin never did anything with anyone but if she talks to more than one guy or has a reputation she is looked down on and judged. That guy in school is the popular boy while the girl doing the same thing is the school hoe. Hell a guy can cheat and everything is okay but a girl cheats on him and his whole world collapses and she is now every horrible name in the book. My personal opinion on this is that I feel as though if woman wants to have sex, hey its her body as long as she protects herself, same goes for men as well of course.

Women are allowed to judge
   

   I have the weirdest feeling that this topic might actually be more controversial than the first one. Typically if a guy turns down a girl for her looks, weight, race, bust size etc. He is usually labeled as shallow, or judgmental or he only cares about sex. Now if a girl turns down a guy because of the same thing it’s just her “preference.” Now this isn’t me whining about being turned down before anything like that. Trust me this isn’t sour grapes. It’s just something I’ve noticed a lot. I particularly feel bad for overweight men and also some short guys. Now I love my bbws, I really do but I know a lot of big woman that won’t even consider a big guy because again that’s not her preference. However she would flip out if a man was to turn her down because of her size.

   Short guys sometimes get the shorter end of the stick….pun intended. There’s a bunch a women I know that won’t even date a guy that’s under 6 feet tall. Hell it’s a lot of short girls that don’t even want short guys stealing all the tall men away from the taller girls. But in women’s defense this goes both ways because there are plenty of guys who simply won’t date a woman taller than them. Now i’m not saying that woman should just date a guy they aren’t into just because that would be the nice thing to do. No. If that’s not your preference that is perfectly fine. Everyone has their preference but don’t make someone feel guilty for not accepting you for who you are but you aren’t willing to accept someone.

Men can have friends. Women can’t.

   Now this usually applies to more controlling men but it something I hear about. I’m sure most woman has been with at least one guy who constantly puts his friend or friends over you. He goes out with his friends constantly to party, watch the game, get drunk you know guy stuff. But as soon as you are going out with your girlfriends its a problem. He gets in his feelings. He feels some type of way about it. To make it worse the whole time you are out he wont let you enjoy it. He constantly texts you, wanting to know where you are and who you are with and what you are all up too. He hangs out with female friends that he is “totally” not into and gets angry if you yourself has a guy friend. Or sometimes won’t even let you have one at all. He accuses you of cheating if you hang with the guy friend yet he can go out to strip clubs with his guy friends or hang out one one with his female friends.

   I’m not like that at all but I do know of some friends that somewhat fits that description. It’s very hypocritical to say the least. It usually tells two things though. Either he is very insecure or he may be cheating but wants to blame you to feel better about himself. Some guys have that “bros over hoes” mentality where they feel as though they have to put their friends over their girlfriends or they will get judged for it. I think you have to have a balance between your partner and your friends. You also have to have trust because if you can’t trust her while she is out with her friends or out with a guy friend. Then you have to ask yourself why are you even with her to begin with?

   This was part two and maybe I’ll turn this into a series or something. The stereotype post was pretty well received. I don’t know how people will like this one though, but I did enjoy writing this. I agree with Jay Colby. Check him out at https://jaycolby.com. He has great content. He commented on my previous post that “This is an interesting conversation we need to have more often.” We don’t really talk about it much because these things are pretty much normal now. These stereotypes and double standard are pretty much an unwritten law at this point so we don’t really put too much thought into it. As I said before society tries to separate us so much that we forget how similar that we really are. Even some of the double standards I listed could arguably go the other way, But I hope you enjoyed the content. Like, share and comment. Remember “Love is confusing but we’ll figure this out together.”

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Men & Women: Are We Really That Different?(Stereotypes)

Alright now I think I gotten the generic topics out of the way and now its time for me to set myself apart. Maybe be a little more controversial. Now on to my point. As a society we love to divide things, race, politics, religion, sexual orientation, gender etc.
Often at these times, differences are pushed so much on to us that we forget something. We forget that we are all still human beings. Now this isn’t a blog about morals or ethics but it all ties into my topic. All of the things we love to categorize all have stereotypes or misconceptions about them or have double standards surrounding them. I will focus on gender on this post particularly gender roles in a relationship. It seems there is so much animosity between men and women. We seem to be more at odds at one another then ever before. There’s more competition women are becoming a lot more independent and I love it but honestly i think men and women are more similar than people think especially when it comes to dating. There are several stereotypes that both men and women have proven to be false.

Stereotypes/Misconceptions

• Women in a relationship or marriage have to cook, clean and take care of children while the man works.
• All men cheat, and men cheat more than woman.
• Women are oversensitive compared to men
• Men only care about sex.

Women in a relationship/marriage HAVE to cook, clean and take care of kids.

I said in my first paragraph how woman are becoming a lot more independent. The fact that some guys and yes guys I actually know and call friends still think or act this way is kind of crazy. I grew up in a household where my mother had to do everything because she was the only parent around. However I also was the only boy with two sisters. I was expected to learn to cook, clean and wash clothes like everyone else in the house. So personally I just don’t believe in genders roles. I also don’t think woman have to give up their dreams to raise a child while the man works and pursues his career. If the woman wants to its fine but it shouldn’t be decision forced on to her there are things like daycare.

Both people in a relationship should help out. If there is trash to be taken out and the man is not there she can take it out. If there are dishes in the sink he can wash them. If the baby poop the guy can change the diaper and etc. Days are long gone where woman have to stay in the “kitchen” so obviously this isn’t as big as an issue as it used to be. But there are still guys who have this mentality. Seriously I am very surprised by the amount of men who don’t know how to cook. Even something simple like how to separate clothes before you wash them because they expect their woman to know how to do it for them.

All men cheat/more than woman

Okay so, are there any guy readers still here? I think I’ve lost every male subscriber as well. I’m probably being labeled a feminist in the comment section as you read this but for every guy still here this is for you. This stereotype can probably be a whole topic in and of itself. Some day it probably will be.

All men don’t cheat there are some good guys out there somewhere. *Waving my hand.* If every guy you been with cheated on you then either you’re very unlucky or you may have to change the kind of men that you’re into. I also don’t believe guys cheat more than women and there’s probably no way of proving women cheat more than men. That’s pretty obvious but there is one difference about men and women; Sex. There is a double standard that if guys have sex with multiple woman they are cool, and gets frequent high fives and if woman do it…….they get called some pretty bad names.

Why does this matter? Guys have a habit of bragging when they have sex. We have to bang on our chest and boast. Women are less likely to do so. They may tell a close friend or two but it’s not something they would like to spread around. So the chances of women getting caught are less than men. It doesn’t mean women don’t cheat as much it means women are probably much smarter at cheating than we think. Chances are you probably been cheated on and don’t even know it and you never will… but i digress.

Women are oversensitive compared to Men

Women are sensitive that’s true………Guys are sensitive too. Humans are sensitive in general that’s why we all have these things called emotions. This stereotype exists for similar reasons that the “men cheat more” stereotype exists. Except it’s reversed girls are more open with showing their emotions than guys. Society has deemed men showing their emotions as being soft, not manly or to be blunt…”pussies.” Now we can hold in our emotions but they are still there they don’t go anywhere. Have you ever noticed how after a break up the woman cries and cries and the guy is nonchalant moving on. Then fast forward months later she’s fine and he’s the one whining trying to get her back.

That’s the result of the guy holding in his feelings and then later on they finally ooze out. Like seriously I’m a guy and I know my ass can be sensitive at times and I know my male friends are a bunch of big babies. Hopefully they not reading this…….but this notion that woman are more sensitive than men are wrong. You want to see a sensitive man? Be there when his favorite sports team loses or be there when he is losing in call of duty or be there when a store doesn’t sell his vanilla coke and he rants to himself (actually i think that just might be me).

Men Only Care About Sex

If I said I didn’t care about sex I would be liar. But it’s a common misconception that that is the only thing we think about is sex. That’s simply not true; we eat, drink and also sleep thank you very much. Dry jokes aside we do care about sex and I will admit that at times we think with our men parts rather than using logic but sex alone isn’t all we care about. Anyone can have sex but building a long lasting relationship is the real challenge and those are the kind of things that a man thinks about. Note that I said man not boy. Immature boys or guys are usually the ones that will do everything and anything to get it(believe it or not girls do too) and its neither here or there.

Sex is everywhere, its a huge seller from commercials, movies, tv shows and even some cartoons. So it’s understandable that it would be on our minds a lot. Sex isn’t marketed to just men though however but to females as well. How many times have you seen an overweight man in an axe commercial? How does the “good guy” in any Tyler Perry movie look……I’ll wait. My point is woman prioritizes sex as well. I believe its very important to them. Sex is on a woman’s mind as well as a man’s. However, I do believe men care about sex alot more than women doo. Sorry fellas we know its the truth.

In conclusion this may not be one of my more popular post. I’ve probably pissed everyone off but I honestly do think that men and women aren’t really all that different. Society makes us different. Woman can be just as strong as men and I’m sure a man has the ability to whip up a 5 course meal. I’m all for equality for every human being on this planet. There are amazing things we can do if we can all put our minds together and cease with the labeling and categorizing of each other. Now this is part one of a two part blog. In the second part it will be a similar format in which I argue against common double standards between men and women in relationships. Like, share and comment(I know the comments will be interesting) and remember “Love is confusing but we’ll figure this out together.” Have an awesome day.

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I’m sure at some point, whether it was in a friendship, relationship, marriage etc. Either you have tried to change someone or someone has to tried to change you. Whether it was change for the better or for the worse. Now usually I just give my opinion but this is fact. The truth is….you cannot change someone. No matter how hard you try. No matter how much effort you put in. No matter how long it takes. It is just not possible. People sometimes spend their entire lives trying to change someone, and please do not confuse manipulation with change cause they are two different things that I will probably talk about later. Why later? Cause hell I need things to talk about. But this is the hard truth…….no one changes unless they actually want to change.

 Trying To Changing Someone

Everyone at some point has probably tried to change a family member, a friend or a boyfriend/girlfriend. Why do people try to change others? Sometimes you see great potential in someone but there is something that’s holding them back. Maybe its a guy who’s very intelligent but would rather spend his time drinking and using drugs. Maybe its a girl you are crazy about and you desperately want her to feel the same way. It could be a lazy friend who doesn’t do much for themselves. Sometimes they want someone to join in with their destructive behaviors. Maybe you’re peer pressuring a friend to call off work to go to the club to get drunk. I’ve seen good woman who have never did drugs turn into pot heads or addicts just by being with a boyfriend who does it. It happens. I’ve also seen guys who happen to be womanizers settle down and start families. It’s rare but it happens. The one thing that is constant though is that, that person had to want to change whether they we influenced or not they had to want it.

Someone Trying To Change You

Has someone ever tried to change you? Raise your hands……..everyone’s hands should be raised. Has someone ever tried to change you in a relationship? It might be less hands raised but most hands should be up. Lastly has someone you loved ever tried to change you? It may be slightly less hands but this is what i want to focus on. I was that guy full of potential but unfortunately I was lazy and also thought I had everything in control. A very bad combination indeed. My girlfriend at the time knew this. I always told her the goals and dreams I wanted to achieve but hardly went through with my plans. She tried to push me but I wouldn’t listen.

Even though I loved her, her words could not change me. I may have change for a little while but I would eventually go back to laying around playing video games, wasting time on social media, and such. Don’t get me wrong I had a job and a roof over my head but in her eyes there was so much more I could achieve. However over time things got rough things started to snowball. I lost my job, I lost my place and eventually me and her broke up. It took me a bit of time to pick myself back up but eventually I did. If i listened to her maybe things would have been different but the reality of it was that I would have never listened to her because I didn’t want to change. It wasn’t until that Xavier wanted to change that I started doing things differently. Started ridding myself of my bad habits. Stopped making excuses. Would if we stayed together? Its possible to this day that she would still be trying to change me. Now that is personal example but my point is I feel as though some people are in toxic relationships with cheaters, liars and people that aren’t doing right by them and trying to change them wasting years of their lives no realizing that, that person will never change until they want it for themselves.

Changing

Changing doesn’t happen overnight though. A quick change isn’t a real change. It takes time. A label will not change anyone. Marriage will not instantly change anyone. Nor will sex or children. It’s a gamble. Do you wait to see if this change is the real thing and risk wasting your time or getting hurt? Or do you leave accepting that the person will never want to change for themselves? I don’t have the answer to that but it is a tough decision. Love Is Confusing though.( Yes I had to squeeze that in there.) Do I think trying to change someone is bad? It depends on the context but its human nature especially if we want the best for someone but sometimes you have to ask yourself. Do they want the best for themselves?

If you like this post, Like, subscribe and share, if you have different opinions or opinions in general there’s a comment section for that. I’d love to hear it. Take care and remember love is confusing but we can figure this out together.

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