LoveIsConfusing

"Love Is LOYALTY, SACRIFICE and COMPROMISE."

Relationships

LoveIsConfusing Q&A #2

Happy Turkey Day! I hope everyone is enjoying stuffing their faces. Make sure you all save me a plate too! 😉 But putting my greedyness aside this is the second installment of my Q&A posts where someone comments three or more questions for me relating to love or relationships or even questions about myself and in return not only do I answer them but I also give you a shoutout on anything you want website, business etc as long as its family friendly.

Before I answer these questions allow to me to give a brief shoutout to Understand456. He is a fellow blogger like myself that has a blog called Poetry Blog. This blog is for people who love poetry. Hell this blog is also for people who don’t. His poems emitt alot of emotions. He is extremely talented and touches base on a whole lot of topics. Ranging from love, relationships, Life situation etc. It also isn’t just poetry he has posts where he talks about real situations and after reading he will really have you thinking. He is quicky becoming one of my favorite bloggers. 

   My favorite post is called “Praying For A Better Future” where he speaks on common issues that happen in society today. My blog sometimes leans more to a female audience so its always great to get something from my male audience and he asked me some amazing questions. Check his blog out at https://younghock.blog you will not be dissapointed you will fall in love with it. Now without further ado it’s time for me to answer some questions.

Poetry Blog: Since you discussed gender roles, in the bible it says wives must submit to their husbands and husbands are to lead their wives I don’t completely agree with this. What’s your opinion on this?

LoveIsConfusing: Back in those days when that bible verse was written. That was pretty much the norm. The wife was supposed to submit to the husband. The Queen submitted to the King. However It’s 2017 and things have changed drastically. I don’t think anybody should have to submit to anyone. Like I said on the last Q&A you and your partner are a team. You both work together. 
   

   Now woman usually look for Men to be leaders. It’s natural but its nothing wrong with letting your Queen lead you. Or you could lead eachother. Theres somethings you can do better than her and somethings she can do better than you. Yall both take turns leading depending on the situation.

   Poetry Blog: Do you think that people should be friends with their ex after a breakup?
   LoveIsConfusing: It really depends to be honest. For one it depends on how you two seperated. If you broke up on bad terms. You cheated or she cheated it may be very hard to do that. One of you or both may be still having bad lingering feelings about how one another was treated making it uncomfortable to be friends.

   It also depends if you still have feelings for the person. In my experience if I still have strong feelings for a girl and especially if I still love her. It’s extremely hard to just be friends with her. It gets even harder if she moves on with someone else and then you have to act normal around her like it doesn’t bother you. You’re pretty much torturing yourself. It may be better to fall back from the person until you can control your feelings and then become friends later on. I mean that worked for me at least.

   Lastly alot of time if you were good friends with your ex before you got together. Sometimes it’s easier to transition back to just being friends. Compared to becoming friends while you are together because its sometimes you do everything as a couple so its hard to seperate your friendship from your relationship…if that makes sense.

Poetry Blog: This is kind of similar to number 2. I personally wouldn’t want to establish a relationship with a female that just got out of a relationship with her ex becuase I fear I would be cheated on. What is your opinion on a rebound relationship?

   LoveIsConfusing: You should check out my blog post Rushing Into A Relationship. To answer your question it is a risk. Now if you really like the person and you and them really vibe. You should first make sure that they are definitely over that person. Look for all the red flags. See if they bring their ex up alot and if they are still in constant contact with their ex. 

Also ask questions see why they broke up. Ask how long they been together. Those answers alone can tell you if the person is worth taking a chance on. I’ve dated someone in the past after they break up with someone and it lasted three years but now I honestly wouldn’t rush it. Take your time it might just save you from heartache in the future.

Poetry Blog: Since I don’t have any kids I wouldn’t want to date a single mother because it brings alot of unnecessary drama. What’s your opinion on single men with kids dating single mothers and vice versa single women with no kids daing single fathers?

LoveIsConfusing: Just like my last response. I say get as much information as you can. Look for the red flags doubly so for this one cause it’s alot trickier. If the other parent isn’t in their life it could be easier to commit.. But if the other man or woman is still there it could get uncomfortable. There could be jealously. The other parent might not want you around their kid. Or try to get back with them knowing they moved on. That could cause problems. 

   Also make sure that person wants you for you and not to fill the void of the babydad/babymom or just to have someone to take care of or watch the children. Me personally I’ve found woman with children to be more mature but usually the tradeoff is the drama that comes with it. So I tend to shy away from woman with children unless we really vibe and plus I don’t think I’m ready for children yet.

   Which leads me to a sidenote don’t mess with a someone with kids unless you are 100% commited to be with them. If you have even a little “hoeness” still in you. Leave them alone. Cause not only are you hurting the person you may also indirectly hurt the children. 

   These were very great questions I had fun answering. If you have more questions comment three or more below for me to answer along with anything you want promoted. Like, Share and Subscribe and remember “Love Is Confusing But We’ll Get Through It Together.”

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How Phones Can Complicate A Relationship

How phones complicate

Before I started blogging, I had just came off of a social media “break”. No snap chat, no facebook, Twitter etc. I felt as though it was becoming a huge distraction. I did it for 6 months. The first month was hell. I would unlock my phone and without thinking go straight for the facebook app even though I had deactivated my account. I realized that, like many people, I was addicted to it. Realizing this fueled my desire to seperate from it. 

   Fast forward to now, I use it quite regularly, mainly because I have to with this blog. It doesn’t run my life and instead of using social media to pass time I use it as a tool. Now what does this have to do with love? Alot actually. I need you to put the phones down and unplug yourself from the Matrix. Phones are killing relationships. The crazy thing is I’m not even talking about talking on the phone. I’m refering to texting and social media. People have become closer through through these outlets, but at the same time distant. People simply cannot communicate anymore; at least not face to face.

Texting

I know I know, everyone loves texting, myself included. Texting is quick and easy, it doesn’t take much effort, and it has changed the whole way we communicate. We live in a world now where things are over analyzed through text. If your partner texts you “ILY” instead of I love you, you will probably flip out; I would too. Its to the point now that people don’t just argue over texts, they now argue over emojis. “Why did she text you a smily face?” or “Your good morning didn’t have a heart emoji, do you still love me?”

   People seriously break up over things like that. Texting is great when you don’t have the time to talk face to face, but it should not be your main source of communication. There are some couples who live in the same home sleeping back to back on their phones texting each other instead of talking. I had an ex years ago who would not talk when we would get into disputes. We could be in the same room and she would text me her issues instead of telling me verbally, which of course drove me crazy.

   Also with texting, you can’t hear the other persons tone and one missed comma or missed word can change the entire message. I can not tell you how many arguments in past relationships or with people in general that I have had because either me or them misunderstood a text. At least over the phone you can hear a persons tone to know if they are being sarcastic, mad, happy, seductive etc. When you are just texting, sometimes you have to assume and we all know what assuming does.

Social Media

I recently had a friend ask me, “Why don’t you put your girlfriend up on facebook? Omg ya’ll be so lowkey.” At first that confused me, why should I HAVE to put her up? Does putting her up for strangers to see legitimize my relationship? I mean anyone close to me knows who she is and have all met her at least once. I didn’t understand at first, but then  I thought about it and realized that its the norm now. Everything is put on display on social media, including relationships. Don’t get me wrong its nothing bad with putting someone up on social media, but it doesn’t prove that you love them or don’t love them.

There’s so much drama that can derail a relationship on social media. Both partners worrying about who liked who’s picture.  Why does he have women commenting on his status? Why does she have guys in her Dm? Then you spend the whole day posting indirect status’s, arguing on social media, or arguing over the person with some one else and you have not even called or seen your partner to talk about it. Now this may all sound funny or ridiculous, especially to my older audience who probably does not even have to deal with this. But this does happen and it happens very often.

Maybe the worst thing is when people put their partners up with them together or have a status up saying “I love my boo he/she is the best” Or something similar. You look at it and you react to it. You compare their relationship to yours. “They look so happy.” “I wish my relationship was like that.” “He/She doesn’t do or say things like that about me.” You think those things not knowing the hardships that the couple may have been through. Not knowing about their argument before she posted or knowing how rocky their relationship may be. After, you see your partner and all of a sudden your not satified anymore because your comparing your relationship to someone elses because it seems perfect on the surface.

Now this isn’t a anti social media post cause it does have its positives. Too much of anything will eventually become a bad thing and too much texting and social media could be detrimental to your relationship. When you are with that special someone, put the phone down and give each other attention and communicate. When my girlfriend and I are together, we literally lose our phones in the house at times. We usually put them down somewhere and are so focused on spending time with each other that we basically forget about them. Of course everyone is different, but I encourage you to put the phone down. Give that person your undivided attention, you only live once. Do you really want to spend most of your time following other peoples lives on social media. Just food for thought. Have a great day. Like, Share and Subscribe and remember “Love Is Confusing But We’ll Get Through It Together.”

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Love Q&A #1

    I want to try something different. The same blog format after awhile gets pretty boring. It’s usually the lists of why you should do this or why you should do that. Why you should buy this product. 

How about I get my audience engaged because you guys are the reason I do this to be honest. 

    What I have in mind is that you give me three or more questions about Love, Relationships even questions about myself if you want and also something you want me to promote whether its a website, or a product or anything you want advertisement for and I’ll shout you out promote you and then answer whatever questions you ask me. Comment it below and whatever I promote has to be family-friendly please. I’ll be doing these weekly or bi weekly depending on my schedule. 

   Now I already have three questions I will answer from a friend of mines. Her name is Shy Roper. She blogs and has an online store, Unique Decadence where she sells cakes, cup cakes, cookies and alot of other things that she bakes herself. 

   

   So if you ever have a sweet tooth Unique Decadence is the way to go. She’s a “Small Person With a  Small Business Sharing HUGE Flavor.” I personally has had some of her baked goods. They are mouth watering and if you need a wedding cake for that special day she does that too. You can check out her blog at https://uniquedecadencebakery.wordpress.com and also her online store at https://squareup.com/store/unique-decadence. Now without further ado its time for me to answer some questions.

Shy: Can men and women have just a plutonic friendship. No strings attached. No ulterior motives?

LoveIsConfusing: If this was the old Xavier. High School Xavier. I would probably have a different answer. I had zero plutonic friends with women. If I was friends with a woman it was probably something I wanted out of her at some point. But as time went on and I matured as a person that changed. 

   Fast forward to now and I probably have more female friends then guy friends surprisingly and they are all plutonic friendships. Everything shouldn’t have to be about sex whether you are single or in a relationship. You should be able to hang out with someone and not feel like your obligated or pressured to do something you don’t want to. You should be able to go out to dinner, watch a movie, or just chill and drink a beer without feeling like he or she(mostly he) wants something out of it. So to answer your question….yes, yes you can have a plutonic friendship with the opposite sex.

Shy: How do you feel about gender roles in relationships?

LoveIsConfusing: I don’t believe in gender roles. The fact that some people still do baffles me to be honest. The kitchen isn’t just limited for women and fixing things around the house isnt limited to just men. In a relationship you’re a team. Anything that needs to be done should just be done. You should be helping eachother out. Even if there are designated jobs in the household. If your partner usually takes out the trash and he forgot, take it out. If your partner isn’t feeling too well and usually cooks for the family you step in and cook. 

   I came from a family growing up with all females and I was expected to learn how to cook, clean, wash clothes, fold clothes, Iron clothes etc. etc. The crazy thing is alot of women are suprised that I even know how to do those things. I thought growing up that those were normal things for anyone growing up but I do know not that alot of guys either don’t know how to. Or expect their woman to do it for them.

Shy: If a woman hits a man can a man hit her back?

LoveIsConfusing: Well first off I don’t believe a woman should put her hands on a man at all unless she is in danger. But with that being said no he shouldn’t. I’m not saying he should sit there and let himself get beat up but its just not worth it. It’s best to just walk away from the situation. If you hit her back and she calls the police you are getting arrested. If she get other people involved like a brother, father friends etc. You become a target. 

   The only time hiting a woman is even an option is if your life is in danger. If you are cornered and can’t get away rather than hit her you could move or push her out your way and make you way towards an exit. I was raised to never hit any woman and I believe you probably shouldn’t hit anyone at all period.

This was the first question and answer post I will try to do these every week maybe twice a week. Post your questions below. Thank you for your time and remember “Love Is Confusing But We’ll Figure It Out Together”

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How Does Timing Affect Relationships?

Have you ever met someone who you felt is right for you? The right look, the right personality and almost everything swings towards your preferred preference, but…..the timing was just wrong. Maybe the person just got out a tough relationship and wasn’t ready or they were leaving for college that was halfway across the country. You can find someone who is great for you and the timing just is not right. You begin to think, If you both met years before or years after things would have worked out for the better. Sometimes you both may have to decide whether to wait until the time is right or give up on that great person all together. Time is definitely mans greatest enemy.

I have had times where I looked back at old relationships and thought, if I had the right mindset or was in a slightly different situation, things would possibly be different. Maybe if I was more financially secure or even more mature certain problems would not have arisen. I have had times where I would talk to women that were great, but they were so emotionally damaged from past relationships that they just couldn’t trust anyone anymore. What if I met her before the heartaches? We could have been something more or things could have been different.

Do you wait for the right time?

Honestly, I think it depends. If you are already with someone and you both put some time in the relationship, it may be wise for you both to wait. Now, I’m not a big fan of “breaks” in a relationship and one day I will explain why. However, it could be the best alternative then simply giving up. There was a situation where a friend was dating a guy all throughout college and after they graduated they both moved home. They both lived in the same state, but very far from one another.

For personal reasons, at the time neither could move to be closer to the other and the distance caused problems in their relationship. So, in that scenerio they cared deeply for each other, both were right for each other, but the timing just was not right. However, they didn’t give up. They took a break. Time passed, they focused on themselves, still keeping in contact with one another, and eventually things worked out where he could move closer to her and they were able to continue their relationship.

Personally, I feel as though if you are not together it may be wise to move on. You and the person may have a lot in common and have great chemistry and you may even have that spark, but time is extremely valuble. You may not have time to wait until they get over that ex and is ready to take things seriously. You may not have time to wait until they have a more manageable schedule or until they can move closer. You may may not have time to wait until he/she matures. Etc etc. It might be better to just tell them that you like them alot but you two can’t be. Of course give them the reason as well and move on to someone that better fits you at that time and maybe if the stars align right somewhere down the line you can try again…maybe.

It really sucks and emotions often get in the way. You may feel as though you will never meet this kind of person again and try to force things and the relationship becomes a train wreck as a result. There is nothing worse than having something that may be right for you where either you can’t have it at that time or you can’t enjoy it while you have it.

How do know if its the right time?

Life is so random and often changing that it is almost impossible to really know if it’s the right time. Sometimes you may not be ready and have to get yourself right. I had another friend where her boyfriend wanted to take a break because he had financial problems and wanted to work them out before they could continue their relationship. I believe they could have worked it out without the break, but he didn’t think it was the right time for them. Although she was extremely hurt she waited and he eventually found a new job and they got back together and is still together to this day.

It’s just really crazy when you think about it. Me and my girlfriend, my lady, my Queen (I know, I’m being extra) mesh extremely well. Its safe to say we are right for each other. I think about how it would be if I met her two years ago and we dated. She lived in a different state, worked and went to school, and of course was very busy. During that time, I also worked a hell of alot. Crazy hours and truthfully wasn’t exactly stable in life at that time. Despite how well we meshed we wouldn’t have worked out. It wouldn’t have lasted. The timing just wouldn’t have been right. Fast forward to now. We live alot closer. Our schedules aren’t perfect by any means due to us both working a lot but we still have time for each other and it works.

Timing can be the difference between a miserable relationship or a Great one. A successful marriage or one that leads to a divorce. If you are having problems in your relationship right now, try to take a step back and ask yourself “Is the timing right??” If you’re a guy thats complaining about being “friend-zoned”. She may need time to figure things out about herself. It may not be the right time. Orrrr you just might be doomed and need to move on to someone else. Welp there goes some of my male audience, but I just couldn’t resist that one. I hope everyone has a terrific day. Thank you for reading. Like, Share and Subscribe and remember “Love Is Confusing But We’ll Figure It Out Together.”

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Love At First Sight Is A Myth

Love at first sight.jpg

Okay, okay I know I have been gone for a little while. I needed some time to brainstorm different things I wanted to talk about and also I have a pretty busy schedule so there’s that. However you didn’t come here for my little excuses. You came here because maybe you actually care about my opinion and my opinion you shall get. This will be short but its something I have been thinking about.

When you first meet someone what stands out to you? Is it the way they dress? Their figure or shape? How attractive they are or maybe their smile? Have you ever looked at someone for the first time and thought to yourself that this person was the one and you start fantasizing about your future together, marriage and children? Have you ever thought you had experienced falling in love at first sight?

Okay, I’m done playing 21 questions but what I’m going to discuss today is love at first sight. Is it really a thing? Can people really fall in love with someone just by seeing them and again no I’m not talking about a celebrity. I’m talking about real people that you actually have a shot with. I don’t think you can fall in love at first sight with someone and here are my reasons why.

Love takes time

Love may be confusing but I know one thing it is not instant. To truly love someone I believe you have to get to know them. You can’t love someone you don’t know. Or better yet you can’t love someone you know nothing about. You meet them and build a relationship overtime whether its simply a plutonic relationship or an intimate one and that’s how your love for them builds.

Now you can like someone at first sight. That usually means the other person made a great first impression. Now I know alot of people are going to argue against this post and say that they seen their partner, fell in love, got together and been married for many years. And if so that is really a great thing but I’d have to argue that maybe it wasn’t love.

Maybe you just liked the person and something drew you to each other. Maybe physical attraction, the way they dressed, the way they smelled or maybe even the way they smile. Those things drew you together and overtime it evolved into love and then you got married and hopefully lived happily ever after.

I honestly think their are stages to it. You initially like the person. Then you really like them. Then you love them. Then you fall in love. Then you get to the point where you feel like you can’t live without them. (Which is a curse and blessing) My point is there are levels to it and yea you may skip a stage but there is no way in my opinion that you can meet someone and skip to love or falling in love with them. It may just be something other than love.

Movies/Shows Brainwashes Us

A lot of people get their ideas of love from things that are totally unrealistic. From a young age watching disney movies and other cartoons. To an adolescent and adult age watching reality shows and movies. We see that Prince gaze at the Princess fall in love and live happily ever after and when we get older we try to emulate it.

However when we get older we don’t think about if that Prince knows anything about her besides the fact that shes beautiful or if she knows anything other than he’s handsome and rich. Also we don’t even know if they truly live happily ever after because their story ends when the credits roll.

Same goes for movies they follow that same concept and you know what happens we develop a unrealistic view on reality. We look for that prince charming or innocent princess usually starting in middle school or high school and instead of living happily ever after we get ourselves hurt. After that we probably think subconsciously “Well the Princess in the story never got cheated on nor did the Prince ever get dumped. What happened?”

There is no perfect person. We set ourselves up for failure when we expect to find that person lock eyes with them and expect everything to take care of itself. We can’t let movies or shows dictate or influence how he we view love or relationships. Love isn’t something that can so easily be acted out.

I’m not saying you can’t meet someone hit it off, be married the next day and eventually die together. Stranger things have happened but its usually something other than love that got you attracted in the first place. My personal preference though is that you take your time. Even if you get that good vibe from them at first because you never truly know anyones intentions when you first meet them. You can’t judge a book by its cover. You shouldn’t count your chickens before they hatch and you shouldn’t predict a future with anyone before you get to truly know them. Thank you for reading. Like, Share and Subcribe and remember “Love Is Confusing But We’ll Figure It Out Together.”

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